Emotional Rollercoaster

Tim & I have 3 beautiful boys who we love so much!  We are in constant awe of how incredible they are and how much they have grown in the last 9, 7 & 4.5 years. The topic of having another baby hasn't really come up seriously in the last 4 years because we've been thoroughly enjoying where we were at: being able to go to the movies, a spur of the moment outing - not having to think about diapers, wipes, toys, feedings, being able to sleep through the night and even sleep in! Caleb and Evan are late sleepers now and Joshua knows to take care of Yoshi (his bearded dragon) and get dressed before he can play on the computer or watch TV. He's old enough now to be assured that he's not going to roam around outside, set the microwave on fire, climb on top of the stove or empty the water cooler onto the kitchen floor. (All things that I have had to deal with in the years of toddler hood with my 3 wild boys) And those are the very things that when thinking about having another baby quickly snapped me out of it haha.

And then...I don't know how the conversation got started but by the end of it we had decided that we indeed wanted to have another baby and not only that, we thought about when we would start trying and about when the arrival would be. First step was to schedule an appointment to get my IUD taken out. Best invention if you were inconsistent & got pregnant on the pill (like I did with Evan) It was awesome not having to think and plan and worry (even though I went to 2 different doctors because I started having such weird and long cycles - but they both assured me everything was "normal")

So this was the plan... get the IUD out, hopefully start a normal cycle for the next month with backup protection and then after our scheduled skydiving experience on Tim's birthday whatever happens after that happens. We weren't going to tell anyone that we were going to start trying in the Summer because with my new long and random cycle I didn't know how long it would take to get pregnant and didn't want the constant "are you guys pregnant yet??" plus there was the other risk of having complications with the IUD and not being able to get pregnant at all which is rare but possible.

So I called the place that gave me the IUD about 4 years ago to make an appointment to take the IUD out. The receptionist on the phone asked if I could come in that week. I wasn't fully prepared for that. We were going to back ourselves up the week before because I read that you can still get pregnant the week before IUD removal since sperm can live for a few days. (& I made sure I bought a big box just to be super duper covered over the next month and a half - TMI?)
And plus, That would leave more of a window to get pregnant sooner and we were waiting until after skydiving. I asked if I could come in about 3 weeks later. The appointment was set for April 20th at 10:30am

I called Tim's mom, Donna, and told her what we were planning and asked if she could watch Evan because I couldn't bring him to this appointment like I do with most other appointments. She was excited and said she was able to watch Evan.

April 20th comes and I'm feeling uneasy in my stomach. I tried eating a light breakfast but wasn't in the mood for anything else. This was a big step and we had control of the outcome as far as babies for a while and we were giving that up again. I got to my appointment a little early, signed in, paid my $40 co-payment (bleh!), and sat and waited...and waited...and waited some more! Then I watched the people that came in after me go into the back room before me. At this point I was starting to boil. I talked to the receptionist and communicated my frustration that I HAD AN APPOINTMENT...for THREE WEEKS NOW - and people were walking in and out and I'm still sitting here. She just replied "Everyone's situations are different" To make matters worse, Donna had to be somewhere that afternoon but I had assured her it shouldn't take long because when I got the IUD it didn't take long - & besides that, I needed to be home by 12:30/12:45 myself to get Evan off to school and I also told my friends I could watch their girls around 1:00pm. I gave myself 2 hours for what I thought should take THE MOST 40 mins. Finally my name was called a little after 12:00. They did my blood pressure, took my weight, got a urine sample and then showed me to another room where after answering a bunch of the doctor's questions, I had to wait another 10-15 mins before she got back. During the waiting time I called Donna and told her I was finally in the room and that I was so sorry and I had been in the process of trying to have someone else relive her so she could get to where she needed to go but she told me not to worry and do what I needed to do.

As I was on the phone with her, the doctor FINALLY walked in, so I rushed off so I could finish up the appointment and get home as quickly as possible. As soon as I'm off the phone, the doctor asks me "Do you know that you're ALREADY pregnant??" At this point I now feel like I'm in a dream. I went from complete frustration and anger to shock, nervousness and fear (because I still haven't gotten my IUD taken out at this point!) I knew that if you did get pregnant with the IUD which was only like a .01% chance or something it almost always resulted in an ectopic pregnancy which doesn't end well for the baby and can be just as bad for the mother. I'm still in disbelief and suggest they must have mixed up the urine samples. The doctor assures me they didn't and they even tested it twice to be sure. The doctor now does a sonogram and finds the IUD but tells me that it had already started coming out on it's own so that's a possibility on why I became pregnant and she's surprised I didn't realize it earlier. While looking at the sonogram monitor, she said she didn't see a baby or even a sac in the uterus which could mean ectopic pregnancy ...or that I was just really really really early in my pregnancy. Two crazy extremes. She tells me I have to get blood work now and I have to go sit in another waiting room for that. At this point I'm in a swirl of emotions all at once. It was completely overwhelming. I called Donna back, this time in tears telling her that I was already pregnant and I had to stay there even longer for blood work and now Evan was about to go to school and the girls were coming and I had nothing ready and didn't know how much longer it was going to take. Donna again assured me that everything was going to alright and to do what I needed to do.

I got my bloodwork done and was told I would get a call the next day to let me know the results of my HCG levels (or how much of the pregnancy hormone was in my system) I had to come back a few days later on Monday to retake my blood and see if the levels went up which would be a good thing. Before I left, the doctor said she really thought everything would be fine and it was just too early to see anything but she had to add that if I had any pain or bleeding to go to the ER right away.

I leave still in a mess of emotions, crying the whole way home. Some happy and hopeful tears of joy and others of fear of what was going to happen. Then I started to think how I felt uneasy that morning and another thing that I won't blog about ;) and how those definitely could've been signs of pregnancy. I start laughing at that point and then laughed again about how I thought Tim and I had a plan for our next baby. But God had/has His own. To Be Continued...

Yes I had to see it for myself!