Over & Over: The Song

I finally recorded a video of Over & Over. I wish I had Tim &/or my mom singing with me cause I love what they bring to it. But you can sing along! :)

I look constipated in the still shot of the video...and I have to learn how to sing with my eyes open haha. blah blah blah Anyway!

Here it is and if you haven't read the story behind it click here: http://wwwcandicecom.blogspot.com/2011/06/behind-music-over-over.html

People Always Leave...

One of the things I'm being reminded of right now is that you won't have people in your life forever. There's cycles of friendships that drift & then come back together but for the most part, the majority of relationships here on Earth come to an end. As years go on, typical things happen that change the dynamic of a friendship: people move (jobs, schools, location) get married, have babies, die, people get busy, interests change & the time you do spend are not with each other, people disagree, have misunderstandings and stop the relationships by choice.

Whatever way life goes you'll experience at least one of these things that effect your relationship with another person. It's a part of life. And no matter if the losses are a gradual drifting apart or a severe cut, it can hurt just the same.

I know when I got pregnant with Joshua at 16 it TOTALLY changed the dynamic of my friendships. I was not in the same place as others my age and I know I hurt my friends in the process because I had other things going on and my friendships were no longer #1 like they were in the past. (And if you're reading this now and I hurt you back then, I'm so sorry)

As I reflect on the last couple of years I can think of a few people who I don't have as close of a relationship and when I think of them I feel really sad because it's just not the same. Two at the top of my head are people in my family. So much has happened in such a short amount of time and I know that I didn't handle everything in the greatest way. I'm still not sure what I should've done different to prevent the drifting apart or if it's just a part of the cycle change but I'm really sorry for any pain I caused you guys.

And to anyone else that I've hurt along the way, I'm really really sorry!

And now, as I go through the new hurts and changes in the relationships around me, I have to remind myself that this is a part of life. I still don't know that anything could've been done on my part (or even theirs) to prevent it...But it still hurts like the others have hurt along the years.

I came across a quote that pretty much sums it up:

“The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal." C.S. Lewis

And I know that even though I feel deeply and my heart feels raw, this is just another season and new friendships will come and it'll be a really good thing. Some relationships can pick up right where they left off as I've seen numerous times in the past so I look forward to those and the new ones I'll gain.

And I hear the lyrics of this song by Jonathan David Helser run through my head and my heart: "You Never Leave". And that gives me great joy & peace. And I can already feel the brokeness start to mend inside of me. & my self protection start to melt away. Thank You God for never leaving me. Thank You Jesus for never giving up on me. Help me to love like You love. Help me to forgive like You've forgiven me. Keep me humble and gracious in everything I do. Continue to heal my broken heart and protect it until I can catch my breath. You are so good to me and I thank You for all that You've done and all that You're doing.

^{Matthew 15:18-20}

¹⁸ But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these defile you. ¹⁹ For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. ²⁰ These are what defile you; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile you.”

God clean out my heart. All the junk I've let pile up inside, wash it away. Clear it out. I give everything I've been holding onto, to You. All my hurts anger, judgements, frustrations, greed, lust, selfishness & anything else inside that I may not even see. Let my mouth overflow the goodness of Your great love & not a bitter heart.

I love You Jesus. Thank You for saving me even though I mess up every single day. Remind me to come to You so I can let go and function in a healthy way. Help me stand secure in who YOU say I am and not what others say. You alone are the only One who knows my heart. Thank You for everything and helping me feel a million times better from what I felt when I first started writing. I love You! :)

In the middle of the storm, You are the peace
In the middle of the desert, You are my stream
In the middle of my mess,You wash my feet
In the middle of it all, here You are

Oh Lord, You'll never leave, You'll never leave
You'll never leave, I am not alone
You'll never leave, You'll never leave
You'll never leave, I am not alone

In the middle of my brokeness, You are my strength
In the middle my nothing, You are everything
In the middle of cry, You answered me
In the middle of it all, here You are

Oh Lord, You'll never leave, You'll never leave
You'll never leave, I am not alone
You'll never leave, You'lle never leave
You'll never leave, I am not alone

You'll never leave, You'll never leave
You'll never leave, You'll never leave
Oh my King, You'll never leave, You'll never leave
You'll never leave, I am not alone

Closer than the air that I breathe
Oh God You're invading my space
Closer than the skin or my broken frame
You know every word on my lips even before I speak
Every day of my life, God, is written, written on Your book

You know me, inside and out
You created me on my mother's womb
You never even thought about leaving me
Even in my sin, even in my darkness
And all my mess, You, You, You loved me

You came down from heaven, perfect one
Walked right into my sin
And with the towel and a basin
You washed the feet, washed the feet, the filthy feet
Only God, Who's ever heard such a thing
'Bout a King would wash his serent's feet
About a King would wash his servent King

Oh, What a love, that the God of all would come down
From Heaven above, washed the feet of the one He loved
He never leave, He never leave

- Jonathan David Helser: 'The Middle'

Behind the Music: Over & Over

Over & Over

I started writing this song the morning after I hung out with Jeannine in her hotel room while she was visiting Queens Thursday - March 31st, 2011. For those who don't know who Jeannine is well let me tell you... I've known her & (her husband) Paul as long as I've been in NY since 5th grade. Can't think of the year but I believe it's been at least 15 years. She was my youth leader back in the day, my hair dresser & my friend. I love her and her family. They moved to MA a few years ago so it's always a treat when I get to see them because I miss them lots. I have so many great things to say about her and her family like how talented muscially & artisically they are but that would take up a whole other blog. Oooo!!!

but if you want to hear her songwiring and singing click here:

http://www.jeannineadipietro.com/

if you want her CD you can order it here:

http://www.mwbridge.com/resources_detail.aspx?id=3

& to see some of Paul and Jeannine's artwork and handywork go here:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Artmisphere-Paolo-Adipietro/142468512473923?sk=wall

Anyways...back to the point of this blog.

We stayed up talking with my mom about what she was going through with her oldest daughter Azaria. Azaria was having stomach problems and they had been through many doctors, hospital stays & diets trying to figure out the cause and solution with no real answers. I could tell that it was frustrating and tiring. I could also see how painful it was to see her own child go through pain and tests and feeling completely helpless. & I wish I could've helped somehow. I got home really late (like 2am late) and had to get up at 6am. So I was running on 4 hours of sleep haha.

I was thinking about everything Jeannine & Paul were going through with Azaria when I woke up and I was praying for their family and I started singing "over & over you are faithful - over & over you are good" And that led to "you have the best for me when I can't see"...and then a whole 6+ mins of random singing/praying. Stuff like: "I don't know how you're gonna fix this" and a bunch of other things... but it would always go back to the "over and over, you are faithful" part.

I then started thinking about our church because that was the week that The Ariolas (a family that had been a part of our church since the beginning) felt like it was time for them to move on to their next stage of life. I know some people were wondering how that would effect our church. And I was reminded again that "over and over He's been faithful"

Later on I was trying to think of how to make it into a song format and I was thinking maybe I could use a Psalm as inspiration. I asked God for one and I heard/thought of ;) '13' so I looked up Psalm 13.

Psalm 13:
1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

And I thought that fit pretty well with why I started singing & what I was singing. The song as been changed a bit. The first version I wrote/recorded on my iPhone sadly got lost when my phone bugged out but I remembered the main part and had been working on re-writing it. It unfortunuely lost some of it's raw/realness in the re-writing process but I still like it overall. A few people heard the original including Tim, Tom, Sarah & my Mom.

I now play it on the 1st capo [C#m, A2] & then [E, B, C#m, A2]

But here is the key and chords I started writing it in.

It's a bit easier.

Over & Over Music

This is what it is now...

Em C
Long enough God, It’s been long enough
Em
Long enough God
C
I’m tired of the pain
Em C
Long enough God, It’s been long enough
Em
Long enough God
C
Can’t go through this again

G
Even when I cannot see
D
anything in front of me
Em C
I will trust in You


Cause
G
:[You love me
D Em C
You love me.....]:

G D
Over & over, You are faithful
Em C
Over & over, You are good
G D
Over & over, You are faithful
Em C
Over & over, You are good

One day I will either post a video or recording of the song but for now here is the story behind the music - Over & Over.

**Here's the song!: http://wwwcandicecom.blogspot.com/2011/06/over-over-song.html

So Thank You Adipietro Family for being an inspiration in many areas of my life.

I love you guys!!

Over and Over - Behind the Music

Over and Over

I started writing this song the morning after I hung out with Jeannine in her hotel room while she was visiting Queens Thursday - March 31st, 2011.

For those reading who don't know who Jeannine is well let me tell you... :) I've known her & Paul as long as I've been in NY... since 5th grade. Can't think of the year but I think it's been at least 15 years. She was my youth leader back in the day, my hair dresser & my friend :) I love her and her family. They moved to MA a few years ago so I try to see them at least once a year cause I miss them lots. I have so many great things to say about her and her family about how talented musically and artistically they are but that would take up a whole other blog. Ooo!!! but if you want to hear her songwriting and singing click here: http://www.jeannineadipietro.com/ & if you want her CD you can order it here: http://www.mwbridge.com/resources_detail.aspx?id=3 and to see some of Paul and Jeannine's artwork go here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Artmisphere-Paolo-Adipietro/142468512473923?sk=wall

So anyway!...

We stayed up talking with my mom about what she was going through with her oldest daughter Azaria. Azaria had been having stomach problems and have been through many doctors, hospitals & diets trying to figure out the cause and solution with no real answers. I could tell that it was frustrating and tiring and I wish I could've helped somehow. I got home really late so the next morning I was running on 4 hours of sleep. haha The first version I wrote/recorded on my iPhone sadly got lost when my phone bugged out but I remembered the main part and had been working on "re-writing it" It unfortunately lost some of it's raw/realness in the re-writing process but I still like it overall. A few people heard the original including Tim, Tom, Sarah & my Mom.

I was thinking about everything Jeannine and Paul has been through with Azaria and I was praying for their family and I started singing "over & over, you are faithful - over & over, you are good"
And it led to "you have the best for me when I can't see" ...and then a whole 6+ mins of random singing/praying.
Stuff like "I don't know how You're gonna fix this" and all this stuff but I would go back into the "over and over, you are faithful part"
Then I started thinking about our church because that was the week that The Ariolas (a family that had been a part of our church since the beginning) felt like it was time to move to the next stage of life and I knew some people were wondering how that would effect our church. And I was reminded again that "over and over He's been faithful"

Later on I was trying to think of how to make it into a song format and I was thinking maybe I could use a Psalm as inspiration. I asked God for one and I heard/thought of 13. So I looked that up.

Psalm 13:
1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

And I thought that fit pretty well with why I started singing & what I was singing.

The song has changed a bit but here it is now.

Over & Over Music

I changed the chords now that I started singing it in front of people & actually play on the 1st Fret -

Verse: [C#m, A2] & For Everything Else: [E, B, C#m, A2]

but the easier chords are below.

Em C
Long enough God, It’s been long enough
Em
Long enough God
C
I’m tired of the pain
Em C
Long enough God, It’s been long enough
Em
Long enough God
C
Can’t go through this again

G
Even when I cannot see
D Em
anything in front of me
C
I will trust in You


Cause
G
:[You love me
D Em C
You love me.....]:

G D
Over & over, You are faithful
Em C
Over & over, You are good
G D
Over & over, You are faithful
Em C

Once day I will either post a video or just a recording of the song. But for now here is the story behind the music.

One day I'll catch up...

I have so much in my head and heart and very little time to write it out.

One day I'll catch up...

...even if it's not soon.

It's nice to have someone to talk to so it doesn't stay inside and make me want to explode.

Everything is 'fine'

I just have a lot on my mind.

This is just a little post to say I'm still here and have a lot to talk about and express

but it'll have to wait some more before it's written out.