hahaha
Anyways,
I've been crying a lot lately. Lately as in the past few months. I used to say I'm not much of a crier but if it's going to continue the way it's been then I won't be able to say that at all. I'm actually happy that I'm crying hahaha. I used to try and make myself cry when I was upset or angry and I never could. I guess I'm getting softer. That's a good sign. Hopefully it won't get completely out of hand.
I was a mess a little while ago but I'm feeling better and I thought it was time for a nice blog vent-free. I know I'll be ok over time. It's part of the process right?
Last night while I was at the gym (yea I FINALLY went back there!! yay! oh how I missed it)
I read Job 5.
I'll show you my process of reading it haha - you know you can stop reading at any point right?
This is more for me then the reader but I know it can be fun at times to read about other people.
Ok first thing that stuck out was
Job 5:2 ~ Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple
So it got me thinking about myself and I don't want to be a fool and I definitely don't want to be "dead" haha. It didn't take long to think of all the things I was resentful and envious about. I was well aware before I read this. But I went through my list of people and situations and I let it go. There's no point in holding on to it. It won't help me grow. It won't get me to where I want to be. I want to move forward not stand still.
Moving on.
Bear with my copy and paste job. I know it's long but I'm going to break it down.
To make it easier I am going to color code my thoughts and comments : )
15 He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth;
he saves them from the clutches of the powerful.
15 He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth;
he saves them from the clutches of the powerful.
I had just come from the FPU class (Financial Peace University)
and we watched a video about 'how to get debt-free' and this line got me thinking about how powerful those companies are and how they make people poor in a sense.
(Remember...this is just my thought process as I'm reading - don't take it as interpretation or whatever)
16 So the poor have hope, I love hope, I want hope, I need hope!
and injustice shuts its mouth. yea - SHUT IT haha
17 "Blessed are those whom God corrects;
so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.
16 So the poor have hope, I love hope, I want hope, I need hope!
and injustice shuts its mouth. yea - SHUT IT haha
17 "Blessed are those whom God corrects;
so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.
I know correction is good. Especially being a parent now, I know how important it is even though I'm not as good as I should be in that area. I know when you're corrected it's usually out of love. And when it's with God, it's ALWAYS out of love. So I want to be corrected as painful, embarrassing, and difficult as it is most of the time. (I can feel myself cringing as I type that)
Correction helps you grow - again what I want to do!
And this next part I just read over and over because it was just full of hope and how awesome God is...
18 For he wounds, but he also binds up;
he injures, but his hands also heal.
I know when I'm in pain sometimes I'm in those situations to get closer to God.
And nothing can ever fix me up like He can. He's not a mean God. We got through tough times to make us stronger, wiser, more compassionate people - if we choose to look at it that way and move forward and not store up anger and bitterness (which I'm really good at btw)
19 From six calamities he will rescue you;
in seven no harm will touch you.
20 In famine he will deliver you from death,
and in battle from the stroke of the sword.
21 You will be protected from the lash of the tongue,
19 From six calamities he will rescue you;
in seven no harm will touch you.
20 In famine he will deliver you from death,
and in battle from the stroke of the sword.
21 You will be protected from the lash of the tongue,
I wish I remembered this today when someone threatened to take me to small claims court over $45.00 or something like that...that's a whole other story. I was really upset and angry...I think I still am... bah
and need not fear when destruction comes.
and need not fear when destruction comes.
This all started making me think about what's going on all around the world and knowing that God can protect us from all those hard situations that's bound to happen....
22 You will laugh at destruction and famine, ok this was a hard one to take in...I can't ever see myself laughing but I know this is in the Old Testament and when evil and evil people were destroyed and not saved through Jesus.
and need not fear the wild animals.
23 For you will have a covenant with the stones of the field,
and the wild animals will be at peace with you.
24 You will know that your tent is secure; my home is safe
you will take stock of your property and find nothing missing. no theft
25 You will know that your children will be many, I'm well on my way with that one. haha
and your descendants like the grass of the earth. that's a lot!
26 You will come to the grave in full vigor,
like sheaves gathered in season.
27 "We have examined this, and it is true.
So hear it and apply it to yourself."
22 You will laugh at destruction and famine, ok this was a hard one to take in...I can't ever see myself laughing but I know this is in the Old Testament and when evil and evil people were destroyed and not saved through Jesus.
and need not fear the wild animals.
23 For you will have a covenant with the stones of the field,
and the wild animals will be at peace with you.
24 You will know that your tent is secure; my home is safe
you will take stock of your property and find nothing missing. no theft
25 You will know that your children will be many, I'm well on my way with that one. haha
and your descendants like the grass of the earth. that's a lot!
26 You will come to the grave in full vigor,
like sheaves gathered in season.
27 "We have examined this, and it is true.
So hear it and apply it to yourself."
I really laughed when it said 'apply it to yourself' because I was doing that the whole time I was reading it. There were other parts I didn't write here but if you want to read the whole thing you can do that yourself. I know I'm going to have to read this over and over to really get it all. That's why I like reading different versions. It's fun.
And then last night I was thinking of that song "It's your kindness Lord, that leads us to repentance..." and I was like where is that in the bible. I tried looking it up briefly but couldn't find it. So then I was like "Is it even biblical or is it just a song" And when I woke up I was still thinking of it. so I tried again unsuccessfully so then I called Mama Donna. And she looked it up for me in her handy concordance. I didn't try the internet but next time I'm sure that would've worked. So I'll end with these two versions:
Romans 2:4 (New Living Translation)
4 Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?
Romans 2:4 (New International Version)
4Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?
I need your kindness and tolerance and patience God.
Ok The End I'm tired.
1 comment:
Candice, great blog entry. It's good to share what you're going through. We all need "God with skin on." Good job meditating on the scriptures too. God is certainly speaking to you and you're listening to Him. You are growing and realizing that He loves you what now, right where you are on your journey. Have a blessed day and picture Him smiling at you, because He is!
I love you, Candice.
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