Keeping it together

The last month or so my emotions have been all over the place - I blame it on the hormones post baby. They've started to stabilize finally & thankfully because I hated not feeling like myself. Yesterday I took my boys to my 6 week check up at my OB. 

They don't have issues bringing the kids and I usually pack some school work, dry erase games, DSs, snacks etc. etc. etc. Over my whole pregnancy the receptionist has told me multiple times how well behaved my boys are and how other patients have commented when I left about how impressed they were about my boys. I didn't hate hearing that haha :) 

The majority of the time I was in and out with a half hour. Sometimes I'd get lucky and it would take only 15 minutes. When I walked into the office I had a bad feeling because there was already a few people sitting there (and it's a small office with just the one doctor) Jacob was screaming because he hates the car but I got him out of the car seat and calmed him down pretty quickly. Noelan was kind of zoned out from just waking up because he fell asleep on the ride there (but then had to be transferred into the stroller in the cold) The older boys started grabbing stuff out of the bag I packed & started quietly playing. Shortly after a few more people came in & some of them had kids with them. One couple had a girl about 4 years old or so and another couple had two boys around Evan's age give or take a couple of years. 

Another lady and guy walk in a little after and asks the receptionist if it was alright that she was 15 mins late. 

This didn't look good for my wait time even more so. I had confidence that I packed enough to entertain and occupy everyone though. I usually leave Noelan strapped in the stroller since I'm in and out for the most part. This time I took him out because I knew it was going to be a while and figured he could stretch his legs out before I had to put him back in when I went back to get my check up. 

Time had passed and all the kids were being really good, not just my own. During that time the last woman that walked in kept huffing and puffing about the kids being there loudly under her breath. First she expressed how they shouldn't be there, then didn't understand why they weren't in school like they were supposed to be. She counted each adult out loud and then the amount of kids. I understood that she was frustrated with having to wait so long  - I don't think anyone there was happy about it but they weren't grumbling and displacing their frustrations onto other people there (which only made it worse in my opinion) 

While this was all going on, I was getting more and more angry inside and thinking of different ways I wanted to go off on her. I was egging myself on but kept quiet each time she opened her mouth. I blame some of that on my hormones haha I wanted to ask why it bothered her so much. I wanted to defend the kids and say how quiet they were being and more well behaved than she was being. I really wanted to snap and yell at her but I knew that wouldn't so anyone any good except make the wait even worse. Her last two comments put me over the edge. She said something along the lines of "I know where these kids should be and it involves the time between 8 & 3 and a big yellow bus" Then she went onto say a little later "this is the future of America, sitting in a gynecologist waiting room instead of getting an education" 

She also said something along the lines of "it's my birthday and here I am on my lunch break surrounded by kids and there's no good reason for them to be here" 

Finally I spoke up and said "would you like me to explain why my kids are here, would it make you feel better knowing the reason?" 

She smirked and said "no not really" 

Probably surprised that someone finally said something and also wondering why it took so long like she was waiting for some conflict. 

I said "well I'm going to tell you anyways" & proceeded to tell her that the reason my kids were there & not in public school  was so that they would get a proper education. I told her how I pulled them out 2 years ago and the events that led up to that point. She listened and apologized without really saying sorry. She said she understands now why my kids were there but not everyone else's (which I still don't know the reasoning either) so I responded "me either, but everyone has a story and you're not going to agree or even know them all so it's not great to be so quick to judge" I added "I'm sorry you're sitting here on your birthday instead of being in and out - quick appointments are my favorite" 

Two people got called within the time of our conversation and she told the receptionist "you're killing me!" 

But during our conversation she softened a lot and I did know she was just frustrated because she didn't want to spend her whole lunch break in the waiting room. I think she just wanted someone to acknowledge that...although she was the one who made the appointment in the first place haha (but again I don't know her whole story and why she did - there's prob more to it than makes sense to me as an outsider) my name got called so I told the receptionist to let her go ahead and she said "are you sure?" And I responded "yea, it's her birthday" The receptionist responded "oh yeaaaa that's right! Ok, she's giving up her spot for you" She thanked me and went in. She was in there for a good 1/2 hour at least and when she came out she thanked me and left. By this time I was at the doctor for over 2 & a half hours. The crazy thing was that by the time I went in, I was in and out within 10-15 mins. 

I'm so glad I was able to keep it together and I hope she saw Jesus in me (because I know what was really inside of me and the way I responded was the opposite of how I was feeling) I know some may not feel like she deserved a calm response to the way she was acting but I also know that I don't deserve the mercy that God has given me over and over again...And I'm so thankful for the grace he gave me to handle that day. He's the One that's keeping me together. 

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17