The past week or so, I feel like I've been extra sensitive. I'm not enjoying it at all. I feel like my heart is outside of my chest and there's nothing I can do to protect it. Every little comment I'm examining to see what's behind it. Even things that aren't said and are in my head hurt my feelings. It's getting a bit ridiculous. It makes me want to withdraw from every friendship & relationship I'm a part of because I keep getting hurt even though the majority of the time it's not intentional on the other end. The only "good" thing I am taking from this is that I'm feeling deep again. I was never a fan of feeling deep and I think I tried to train myself not to...which in ways led to me not feeling at all...and that doesn't help me process things.
A few nights ago I was hanging out with Tim and he was busting my chops. He was just in that type of mood. He was having fun and the majority of the time I'm usually able to laugh with him and joke around back. But that night I told him to stop and that being sensitive and the way he was acting wasn't a good combination. The next day I called him at work and apologized for being sensitive & that I didn't know why I'm like this. He said it was okay and that he loved me.
So I'm still in the place where my heart feels like it weighs a billion pounds, has been crushed, stepped and spit on. And all I can say is "God Help Me!"
I'm extra fragile right now so be patient with me.
1 comment:
Candice, you are tenderhearted, and that's a good thing. You can process your feelings in a healthy way and it's ok. Feelings change and change. God's love for you stays the same. The alternative is not feeling and then you can't receive the love God has for you. It reminds me of the new settings on fb where you can't receive the songs/ etc. It keeps bad stuff out but also stops the good stuff was coming in. You are a beautiful work in progress. Fragile - handle with care! God knows and will help you through the ups and downs. Good job speaking up for yourself. I'm very proud of you. I love you, Candice Rose. Once God told me that I was his fragile flower. He made me that way. Well, you are His rose and He made you too. You are His masterpiece, His workmanship, His poem. You don't have to try harder. Just let Him love you up. Remember that song, here I am once again...no matter what state my heart is in...I pour out my heart...you are faithful to answer with words that are true and a hope that is real. <3 Donna
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