"It's been a while..." ♫

As I was about to write my first post in a few months the song "It's been a while" popped into my head. I don't even know the last time I heard it and it's definitely not a favorite song...It's not even in my itunes. I was just going to write it as a title and start writing what I was currently thinking about but decided to look up the lyrics and see if I could relate and...yep - I can...

So here they are: [with my notes]

It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high [I've been feeling beaten down and discouraged]
and it's been a while
Since I first saw you [I was thinking about God and the things I've experienced in the past with Him in real ways]
It's been a while
since i could stand on my own two feet again [Back to the feeling beaten down part]
and it's been a while
since i could call you [I had put God on the 'back burner' & was looking to everything other then Him to try and help]
But everything I can't remember as f***** up as it may seem [Most of the time I don't know how I end up feeling down]
the consequences that I've rendered [self explanatory]
I've stretched myself beyond my means [I've been busy and need to take a step back and figure out what I'm spending my time and energy on]

It's been a while
since i could say that i wasn't addicted and [food, escapes, depression etc.]
It's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well and [I'm getting much much better at this over time, Thank God!]
It's been a while
Since I've gone and f***** things up just like i always do [never ending self destructing cycle I find myself on]
It's been a while
But all that s*** seems to disappear when i'm with you [you as in God and yes it's true even with the language]
But everything I can't remember as f***** up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and f***** things up again [Hopefully this is where I can't relate to the song]

Why must i feel this way?
just make this go away
just one more peaceful day [My prayer - even though I know it can just be an escape and not dealing with the emotions in front of me]

Its been awhile
Since I could lok at myself straight [hiding from everyone including myself]
and it's been awhile
since i said i'm sorry [Sorry God!!]
It's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face [mmm I don't know God is 'light'? haha]
It's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste ["Taste" and see that the Lord is good - blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him]
But everything I can't remember as f***** up as it may seem
I know it's me i cannot blame this on my father [Although I know I still have father issues I also know this is true - You can't put the blame on everyone else. Eventually you have to take responsibility for your own actions]
he did the best he could for me [and this I definitely know to be true about my own popsi]

It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while since i said i'm sorry

So that's my first post in a few months. :) It's good to be writing again even if it's writing notes on a song that I don't even love.