Broken, Unbroken, Broken, Unbroken

“No heart is as whole as a broken heart and I would say no faith is as solid as a wounded faith.” –Elie Weisel

Broken: I've been feeling 'broken'. The bad kind - the kind that feels so 'broken' it can't be fixed. Dealing with the same issues in cycles is definitely not something you want to find yourself going through again, and again and - again.

Unbroken: So what do I do? I try to fix myself. Try to patch things up with some...scotch tape. It's supposed to be clear/translucent right? Yea...right. You can see that it's there trying to hold the broken pieces together. The heavy heavy broken pieces together. So now do I not only feel like I'm broken but I'm pretending to be 'unbroken' and hold myself together temporally - cause you know how well scotch tape works - and you know how "clear and translucent" it is. I'm not fooling anyone.

Broken: So now I'm finally back (again) to the place where I'm ready to say "yea I'm broken". And instead of trying to pick up the pieces, hold myself together and pretend I'm not broken - I'll embrace the fact that I AM broken and THAT will turn into the good kind of breaking:

Psalm 51:17 [Amplified]

My sacrifice [the sacrifice acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart [broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.

Psalm 51:16-17 [Message]

Going through the motions doesn't please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
DON'T for a moment escape God's notice.

Unbroken: So this is my broken prayer so He can reeaaaalllyyy put the pieces back together. And I will again be unbroken. (Psalm 51 - I'm doing this for myself more then the people who are reading this - but you're more then welcome to read it through, pray it through, sing it through... I'm sure you've heard lots of songs written from this if you've been in church so sing along if you decide to read all the way through haha. And if you do read it through - try to read it with new eyes and ears and heart...it feels good)

¹HAVE MERCY upon me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness blot out my transgressions.

²Wash me thoroughly [and repeatedly] from my iniquity and guilt and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin!

³For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me.

⁴Against You, You only, have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgment.^(A)

⁵Behold, I was brought forth in [a state of] iniquity; my mother was sinful who conceived me [and I too am sinful].^(B)

⁶Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.

⁷Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean [ceremonially]; wash me, and I shall [in reality] be whiter than snow.

⁸Make me to hear joy and gladness and be satisfied; let the bones which YOU have broken REJOICE.

⁹Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my guilt and iniquities.

¹⁰Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a RIGHT, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.

¹¹Cast me not away from Your presence and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.

¹²Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.

¹³Then will I teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted and return to YOU.

¹⁴Deliver me from bloodguiltiness and death, O God, the God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness (Your rightness and Your justice).

¹⁵O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

¹⁶For You delight NOT in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering.^(C)

¹⁷My sacrifice [the sacrifice acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart [broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.

¹⁸Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.

¹⁹THEN will You delight in the sacrifices of righteousness, justice, and right, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering; then bullocks will be offered upon Your altar.