Just a little venting to get it out of my system

Something so silly is making me upset and then I get mad at myself for being upset about something so silly.

I started making a tomato sauce on Saturday. I used what we had in the house and let it cook pretty much all day. I tasted it at the end of the evening and it was still very very bitter.

We were out all day Sunday so it sat in the fridge.

This morning I put it back on the stove and tried to think of ways I could salvage it.

I decided I was going to try and make it into chili. I put different spices in it. Other stuff I had around the house...and 6 hours later...STILL bitter!

I even looked up ways on the internet and tried adding a little baking soda, red wine, salt...But it was still no good. I gave up but felt so sad. That was a meal we could've eaten and I really tried to make the most of it.

I think it was even more discouraging because I've been trying so so so hard to use what we have in the house but still change it up. I attempted 2 other recipes and the smell of both made my stomach turn. I love to cook...usually. I got excited as I was preparing everything thinking we were going to have different stuff to eat this week with stuff we already have in the house.

The thing that really gets to me is that there are people who have NOTHING. They would eat anything because they're literally starving. I feel like a horrible person for feeling upset about the food I've been preparing not meeting my expectations or tasting/smelling not the greatest.

Am I supposed to learn something from this?

It honestly makes me question a lot. It doesn't make me question God's existence or love for me because deep down I really really know that to be true. I may not be able to explain or prove or anything but I just know it to be real.

But I just do not understand how it could say...

Do Not Worry

²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life

²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I know there are people out there who love God, seek Him out and still have nothing... especially in different countries.

But I know that:

James 1:26-27 (The Message)

^26-27Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.

All this stuff inside me is messing my heart and mind up.

I need You to speak to me God. I need to hear You.

And I want You to provide. If you're showing me something in the midst of this all, open up my eyes to what's really going on underneath it all.

I love you. Nothing will change that.