Sometimes I feel like I have SO much pain and emotions buried deep, deep inside of me that the more I try to "deal" with the pain that's underneath it all, the deeper I get myself into a hole.
I know I'm a mess. I've done really stupid things, said really stupid things...I've had things done to me that I still don't understand, unjust things that are still unresolved. As time goes by the pile keeps building on top of all the ISSUES.
Offenses, bitterness, judgement, hurt, anger, rejection...etc. etc. etc.
I'm the type that wants to get to the root of it all so I can get healing and function better with whatever the issue is.
I'm also hopeful that as I go through things, I can help others see that I made it through and give them reassurance that they're going to be ok.
Lately as I get reminded of things that have hurt me in the past I go deeper and recall everything from that time period. It gets to be too much to handle. The deeper I look inside, the deeper the hole seems and I'm reminded of that phrase "digging yourself into a hole". Except the hole is my heart and the dirt is the issues of the heart. The more I dig, the deeper I get, the darker it is, & the more alone I feel. I'm throwing the dirt onto myself and I feel like there's no way out.
Is this part of the healing process? I'm not the one who's going to fix me. He is. Yea I can do my part and react and respond in forgiveness towards myself and others - and that brings healing.
From now on, I don't plan on doing any treasure hunts deep inside my heart. As the issues rise to the surface I'll TRY to respond in the way God wants me to. And hopefully the process will go quickly and not linger for years :)
Ehhh who am I kidding??, it'll be a life long process so here we go... What's on the surface?
And how am I going to respond?
1 comment:
Ginnie Grupinski great blog, Candice. Have you ever heard the phrase "if you are digging, and find yourself in a hole, QUIT DIGGING!. you are sweet and lovely; God WILL heal you in His time and as you are ready. no need to dig; it just makes a mess. peace, gentle heart.
September 14 at 12:25pm · Unlike · 2 people
LoriAnne Mayor Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. ~Dr. Alexis Carrel
The suffering is a creator and you do not have to dig to find it, but just take it as it comes and mold it into something miraculous and life changing with your perspective. I know sometimes its hard and things are overwhelming. You are an inspiration though by just being who you are and you have nothing to prove to anyone in this world but yourself. So do not "fix" you but let yourself be and be strong as you can. ♥ you
September 14 at 12:31pm · Like
Terry Farrell Greco I love this!! You express what you are going through so honestly, and openly...it's refreshing. Take hold of His hand and He will Handle your messes!!Throw down the shovel!! ♥
September 14 at 12:38pm · Like
Cindy Campbell Yes, I've been there. And no I'm not done. it is a tough hole that I dig myself, but He gets me out. You are doing it right even when you think you are doing it wrong. Just keep going, He will heal us in His timing.
September 14 at 1:09pm · Like · 1 person
Teresa McCarthy hey baby - can I throw a thought? If you dig to look at pain, it reinforces it. If you walk with God in prayer through the pain, His thoughts become truth that sets you free. What I mean is, that the process is healthiest as the Lord uncove...
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September 14 at 10:59pm · Like · 1 person
Candice Rose Fowler Thanks everyone, you all are great encouragers ♥
September 15 at 8:03am · Like
Donna L. Fowler Candice, you are loved. You are accepted. You are valuable.
You and all of us are works in progress. Our Father God loves us and will complete what He started in us. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. Just holla if you need some help. ♥ you.
September 15 at 12:02pm · Like · 1 person
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