Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Golden Knapsack: Prophetic Word 12/26/10


knap·sack (npsk) - A bag made of sturdy material and furnished with shoulder straps, designed for carrying articles such as camping supplies on the back.
a small bag for food, clothes etc slung on the back.

knapsack

Word History


A prophetic word/life reading I got from my pastor, Tom:
God's funny. He shows me really strange things sometimes and it takes me a second to understand what does that mean and so Candice I look at you there's like a golden knapsack that's on your back - there's a golden knapsack haha on your back & it's packed, it's full. So what I think this means is this is for you personally. This isn't Candice the wife, this isn't Candice the mother, This is just Candice. This isn't Candice the daughter - all wonderful things, all things you do extraordinarily well. But I think there's, there is a journey for you to go on that would be represented by a knapsack. So if you have a knapsack you're gonna go on a journey, you're probably not going to travel the world right? This is probably a short journey. But There's a journey that God has for you to go on. I think that's part of what the golden means. This is for you and Him. This is for you as the daughter of the king. This is for you and your heavenly father. And there are precious things that you'll experience in the coming year as you just walk with Him. And I think that oh boy I know your free time is almost non existent but if there are times that you can just walk with God, you and Him can just walk together I think He's going to speak to you in ways that you're gonna find that are precious and these will be things that you'll carry with you the rest of your life. The knapsack that I see on you, the golden part of it, it's like it gets absorbed into you. So I would encourage you,I would really encourage you because I think it'll be very valuable to you - the times that you can just be with Him, He's going to speak to you in a way - it's gonna be communication from Him to you - stuff that's gonna go deep inside & it'll be with you always. So be blessed my friend. It'll be a good thing.

Title: Insights for 2011
Speaker: Tom Zawacki
Date 12/26/10

Monday, December 27, 2010

Reflecting my 8 events in 08

Friday, December 17, 2010

Letting Go


Last night as I was going to bed I realized how much hurt I've been holding onto and how over time it's turned to anger and resentment. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want my heart to be dark and cold. I don't want to talk about things over and over and OVER just because I don't understand something. I want to grow. I want to love.

So I'm letting go of the hurts from the past year(s) ...or the ones that are on my mind anyway.
I may not agree with everything that's happened, may not understand the reasoning behind things but I can do my part and not keep complaining about something that's not in my power to change.

I'm letting go. And I know my heart will heal from that.

My first cheesecake attempt

I've been married to a cheesecake lover for 8 years. And I've never made a real cheesecake because I didn't have a springform pan. Well that has changed because I got an early Christmas gift (which will benefit my love for cooking and Tim's love for cheesecake) So here is the recipe I'm going to try for my first homemade cheesecake. It's an adaptation of a recipe from Emeril that I got from Nadine. If I change things over time I'll update it. Yay for making food that my husband loves :)



Rustic Cheesecake


Prep Time:
20 min
Inactive Prep Time:
--
Cook Time:
1 hr 30 min
Level:
--
Serves:
12 to 16 servings

Ingredients

  • 2 cups ground vanilla (or chocolate) wafers
  • 1/2 stick butter, melted
  • 3 pounds cream cheese, cubed and room temperature
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 6 eggs
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1/2 cup flour
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Directions

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

In a mixing bowl, combine the ground wafers and melted butter, together. Mix well. Press the crust on the bottom of a 10-inch spring-form pan. In a food processor fitted with a metal blade, puree the cream cheese until smooth. Add 2 cups of sugar and process until incorporated. With the machine running, add the eggs, one at a time. Add the cream, flour, salt and 1 teaspoon vanilla, mix well. Using a rubber spatula, scrape down the sides of the processor. Process until the batter is smooth. Pour the batter over the crust. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes or until the center is firm. Remove from the oven and run a knife around the sides of the pan. Cool on a wire rack. Serve either at room temperature or chilled.

Friday, October 29, 2010

It's what You do best




Here's a really rough draft of something I'm in the process of writing:

I am not what I did
I am not who I was
I am someone with purpose (& a story of hope/restoration)

Uncover & Cover
Root Out & Re-plant
Make beauty from ashes 3x

:[It's what You do best]:

I'm so unworthy but You call me lovely
I will let You sing it over me
Lovely, lovely, lovely one

I will drink in Your words
I will drink in the truth
You've made me whole
With your Love...

As memories start to surface
I will not hold onto guilt
I will not hold onto shame
Pain in the process refines to purity

Monday, October 4, 2010

What will tomorrow bring?


Proverbs 27

You Don't Know Tomorrow
1 Don't brashly announce what you're going to do tomorrow; you don't know the first thing about tomorrow.

1 Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.


A lesson learned first hand. We all had plans that day. I was heading to a friends house after church with Sarah and we were going to have a great day hanging out and eating and spending time together.

But that's not what happened.

My mom had a heart attack. Thankfully she caught it right away and rushed to the hospital with my dad and Sarah.
It was the most stressful thing not knowing what was going on and what to do to help. I went from thinking of hanging out to worrying about my mom in a split second. Nothing else mattered. I wanted my mom to be ok...and I knew she wasn't. Deep down I knew that it wasn't time for her to die but that didn't keep me from breaking down at the thought of "what if". But I also laughed while I cried because I thought "well my mom won't have to go to work right now" Because I knew it was stressing her out.
It was a life changing event.

I started this post the day after she had the heart attack and I'm now finishing it over 2 months later and a few days before she has to go back into surgery because there's been more tingling and numbness and they're trying to prevent her from going through that again.

This is just a reminder to myself to just take in every moment.
I have no idea what's around the corner. The good the bad...it's all a mystery.
And it can be scary.

I feel so bad for the pressure she feels and carries. The fears from having a heart attack and not knowing if and when it will happen again.

God help her. Help me and my whole family who has been effected by this event. And help us to just soak in the good moments of life, cherish our friends and family and keep us strong through the hard times.



Friday, October 1, 2010

My mom's story on parenting and how much she loves us


A week or so ago, my mom commented her own status explaining how she loves each one of her kids...in detail. Sarah & I were joking how her one post could be it's own blog, so I decided to post it here so I can look back and be reminded of the love that my mom has for each one of her children. I love you mama!



Christine Konior My baby girl is coming home tomorrow night- my heart is celebrating - having an internal party- I really adore my kids-,they all are so uniquely different and I love each one deeply :)

    • Sarah Konior you are the cutest, most bestest mother in the whole entire universe!
      September 22 at 2:14pm · · 1 person
    • Lauri Samson Amen Chris!!! My heart rejoices with yours!
      September 22 at 3:05pm ·
    • Christine Konior
      Thanks Sarah!!- I love you - you know I'm a million miles from perfect, especially as a parent-
      So my story is.... my secrets of parenting is saying that I'm sorry -and quickly, not using the authority of parenting to lord over or cover my mistakes- maybe I did do that sometimes ( sorry) but would apologize. Communication is vital. We all need to know we are loved and will receive forgiveness and mercy in our not so pretty moments- I thank my children for letting me off the hook when I failed them- I failed them a lot. No instruction book- no manual- trial and error- lots of error- poor Candice- 1st born- practiced on her - thank God she survived our bumblings-what a great kid-so thankful, so sweet and kind, so beautiful-what a love--so likeable- a true loyal friend- what a great Mom she is and a road tripper like me- an adventurer- taking her kids to different places- and a gatherer of people- loves family parties-hospitable and very responsible - I want to have a show" Everybody Loves Candice"- lol - never wants to hurt a fly- she is very special if I do say so myself- i almost lost her at birth - fetal distress- thank God I didn't- my 1st born-I had know idea I had this kind of love in me - she pulled it out of me introducing me to parenthood- to love someone above myself- different than a spouse -I had to raise another human being. Although I made mistakes I wanted to do this parenting thing well.
      Poor Dan-my boy- what a cutie -he loved girls at a young age- flirting as a baby lol-I didn't understand all he needed as a son - and a middle child -to top it off he was in a house full of women because John traveled a lot-having us tell him to calm down- didn't understand testosterone back then cause I'm a girl lol- but I tried- and failed- but he forgave me. He has a thing for justice-fairness. He sees through hypocrisy and has a great BS meter. He knows when people are real. He has a sensitive heart with a fighter spirit- this leads to a lot of inner turmoil sometimes- John and I both have this trait-Not easy. Dan is compassionate and generous - fun loving and a jokester. Loyal- very family oriented - loves Christmas so much. Any holiday he loved-because he loves to celebrate. He loves giving gifts. He would dress up in a little suit - so handsome and take me on a date with his birthday money-what a heart- especially for the homeless- wanting to feed them-I still remember the emotion of feeling the love for a son after having a girl- it was beautifully different-my only son-Dan the man! Then there's Sarah - the baby- got away with murder because we were... Well tired- plus her personality- she knew how to get her way. She was a love bug and still is- very touchy feely- since she was little climbing on John's head and to this day still cuddles closely- I think I had to lay down with her at bedtime before she slept until she was a teenager- lol - she still loves to climb in our bed and cuddle sometimes- leaving John and I falling off the edges- Sarah loves to be in the center- I believe she's wired this way- she has a demand to be seen and heard - an important voice -also full of determination extremely affectionate and loves to love-she has an infectious laugh that brings joy-and what a hugger! She's very funny and honest- full of passion - everyone is her new best friend lol
      She is sensitive too. She's been adorable since she was a baby. I truly have been blessed with my children. They are all musical which I'm happy about:) We all love food and are good cooks too-love to feed people.
      The hardest thing I believe for them is growing up with immature parents- John and I met at 17 from typical dysfunctional families and pretty much were kids raising kids- we had a very rocky relationship and unfortunately they went along for the bumpy ride- the good news is that the ride has smoothed out and we finally well kind of grew up - kind of -with a million miles to go of course. They have the benefit of us still being together although I'm sure they wonder why we stayed together at times. So my kids are grown up venturing out in life and Im reflecting- feeling thankful for the blessings and regretful over my failings- yet forgiven- a strange combination of emotions yet simultaneous - I guess I'm getting ready for another chapter of life and understanding that I've learned a lot and have much more to go- I'm willing to accept and grow. When I look back I learn to love myself because I see me in my kids and I love them all so much. Maybe just maybe God loves me even more- wish I could say I could wrap my head around God and love and relationships and what is the meaning of life stuff.Occasionally there's a glimpse of knowing love and relating it all to God because He is love- the Creator of all things- maybe theologically we disagree but we can all agree we know we like it when we feel loved. So my wish, my prayer, is for love to heal, so we can enjoy and feel love in a much greater measure:)
      September 24 at 1:28pm · · 3 people
    • Sarah Konior ma that was the greatest blog ever! ;)
      Wednesday at 8:12pm · · 1 person





Monday, September 13, 2010

To dig, or not to dig?








Sometimes I feel like I have SO much pain and emotions buried deep, deep inside of me that the more I try to "deal" with the pain that's underneath it all, the deeper I get myself into a hole.

I know I'm a mess. I've done really stupid things, said really stupid things...I've had things done to me that I still don't understand, unjust things that are still unresolved. As time goes by the pile keeps building on top of all the ISSUES.
Offenses, bitterness, judgement, hurt, anger, rejection...etc. etc. etc.
I'm the type that wants to get to the root of it all so I can get healing and function better with whatever the issue is.
I'm also hopeful that as I go through things, I can help others see that I made it through and give them reassurance that they're going to be ok.

Lately as I get reminded of things that have hurt me in the past I go deeper and recall everything from that time period. It gets to be too much to handle. The deeper I look inside, the deeper the hole seems and I'm reminded of that phrase "digging yourself into a hole". Except the hole is my heart and the dirt is the issues of the heart. The more I dig, the deeper I get, the darker it is, & the more alone I feel. I'm throwing the dirt onto myself and I feel like there's no way out.

Is this part of the healing process? I'm not the one who's going to fix me. He is. Yea I can do my part and react and respond in forgiveness towards myself and others - and that brings healing.
From now on, I don't plan on doing any treasure hunts deep inside my heart. As the issues rise to the surface I'll TRY to respond in the way God wants me to. And hopefully the process will go quickly and not linger for years :)

Ehhh who am I kidding??, it'll be a life long process so here we go... What's on the surface?
And how am I going to respond?