A Prayer for the Ephesians

Paul’s Prayer for Spiritual Growth NLT

14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,[e] 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.[f] 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21 Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

A Prayer for the Ephesians NIV

14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

25+ Things about me

1. I was born in California. Moved to The Philippines, England, Washington State and then settled on Long Island. (My dad was in the Air Force)

2. I played the clarinet in hopes of one day playing the saxophone.
We moved again and I never continued because I believed that I was too behind some of the people in my new school that played for years. I never learned how to read music. (just letters) I did take 2 years of music theory...and learned more then I actually thought looking back. I still can't read music... : )

3. I've always loved singing. I used to have a tape/microphone and sing "The Greatest Love of All" - Whitney Houston, "Pretty Woman" -Roy Orbinson "Crazy" -Patsy Cline and "You've Gotta Friend" - James Taylor. I sing a bunch of songs by Boyz II Men songs and Dru Hill's 5 Steps in the Shower to this day. I used to sing in front of people openly...but then went through stuff and the shame got to me...I'm finally breaking out of my shell again.
I still would LOVE voice lessons! (hint hint for any upcoming holidays haha)

4. I've never gotten drunk...but only due to the fact that I can't drink anything besides water and an occasional sprite (and hot chocolate in the winter) without my stomach turning.

5. I too used to smoke pot and liked it. Sometimes I wish I could escape via drinking or drugs but know that it would do more harm then help. (Plus I have a long family history of substance abuse)....so I turn to food and boy do I love it. hahaha

6. I've always loved eating...I just played field hockey, lacrosse, crew, rode my bike and walked all around Long Island....so I never had weight issues until after Joshua was born.
I like to exercise I just have to push myself to actually do it.

7. I have an adventurous side that people rarely see. I like to jump off walls literally down the streets of NYC. I wanted to go to this extreme photography school that you jump out of planes and take pictures.

8. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up besides being a wife and mother. It was overwhelming in high school not having direction but knowing that college was expected of me. (That's why I looked into photography schools...because at least I like taking pictures)

9. I dropped College Spanish in high school and took 3 cooking classes instead.
I looooove cooking! And trying new recipes. I criticize my food more then I should.
And love when I find a really delicious recipe that I will use over and over.

10. I like listening to people. And trying to help as much as I can.
I have a special place in my heart for teenage girls because I know what I went through and how hard it was for me. I struggled with bulimia and self mutilation for a short period of time. Dealing with my self-hatred and Just wanting to feel accepted. But I had supportive family, friends and ultimately Jesus that I confided in so I wouldn't make a lifestyle of it.
I know that accountability is so important.

11. My favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast...mostly because of the music.

12. I never wore much jewelry until I started selling Lia Sophia and now I LOVE it!

13. I like shopping at the 75% off section. I love getting really nice things for around $3-$5!

14. I had a miscarriage right before Caleb and that was really hard. It's amazing how I don't feel like I did back then. I once said I wanted 6 boys...I'm half way there. But now I'm not so sure hahaha. Tim wants a semi-large family... We're taking a break for now (the beauty of the IUD!) Who knows how many we'll have...we still have a lifetime ahead of us for more kids.
I would like to have a girl but I wouldn't be devastated if we didn't. (I'm actually a little nervous about raising one)

15. I don't mind washing and folding clothes...it's the putting away that I have a hard time following through with.

16. I get excited when I walk into Staples. It's that organized person in me...even though you would NEVER see that based on my home now.

17. I love Mangoes.

18. I would love to really learn to play the piano...but that means I'd have to follow through and learn to read music doesn't it....

19. I hated moving because we did so much when I was younger so I'm really happy we own a house. (like a home base) But I wouldn't mind traveling and even moving eventually. I know we won't be on Long Island forever.

20. I like making up really random silly songs and singing them to my kids.
"The cow goes moo, the cow goes moo, we go poo poo in the pottttty"
"dance baby dance, you are a dancer, dance baby dance, you love to dance"

Tim does the same : )
"one, boy, two boys, three boys that I love,
one boy, two boys, three boys that are fun,
one boy, two boys, three boys that I love,
boy oh boy do I looooove them"
Yea I know his are a bit more put together haha.

21. I sleep in my clothes...and rarely in PJs. And sometimes when I know we're going to have a really crazy morning, I'll take a shower right before bed and get dressed for the next day so I can just roll out of bed and get the day rolling fast. (I used to do that back in high school some days as well)....I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!!!!

22. My fondest memory of church is when we lived in Washington State at Puget Sound Christian Center and I went to "Caraway Street" - sort of like Sesame Street. With puppets and actors all dressed up. We learned verses and won prizes. It was a lot of fun. That was also the church that I first experienced God in a very real way. (around 9 years old)

23. I'm really happy we moved to NY because if we didn't I wouldn't have Tim in my life.
And I know that he is God's 1st choice for me.

24. I used to love animals, wanting to be a zoologist, marine biologist, or vet back in elementary school...I think I just liked saying the first two because I sounded smart. But I "decided" I could never put an animal to sleep so I didn't want to be those anymore...
I had cats growing up and one dog...but he destroyed all of my stuff...so now I'm not too fond of animals. I have too much responsibility right now. Tim wants a dog...but Joshua's allergic and,...I don't know - I like looking at them in Pet Stores but I don't have the desire to bring it into our home. (I must admit that every now and then I almost cave in because they are really cute)

25. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. And that I'm not doing enough.
It's not fun and I hope to fully break out of that mindset.

Ahhhh I'm DONE!

Worship

Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."

John 4:24 (The Message)

This verse stirs something up inside of me. 

So I know I have to apply it : )

...He will lift you up

James 4:10 [NIV}
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.

I've heard this verse over and over. This is one of the ones where you hear and you can quote but you don't really listen to what it's saying anymore. Well today it hit me again.
It also helps when I look at the many different translations...

like The Message:

7-10 So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.

I usually don't like to be 'encouraged' in this way. Because some of it seems so harsh. I want to focus on the Love of God. But this shows the intensity in which to fight back. Things are not always going to go the way you think. Things are not always going to be easy...they rarely are easy. I don't want to do anything out of guilt and obligation so I'm putting my foot down in those areas. But I do want to fulfill the purpose of my life and that involves getting my heart right. I want to live from the "inside out", like that Hillsong song.

This next season is going to be so interesting. I'm sad, and angry, but happy and excited all at the same time. I want God's will whatever that may be and I want to be faithful in how to get there. I want to take the steps required.

This week I'm focusing on Intimacy with God. It's so much easier to tell him everything wrong and what I want him to fix. (which is part of the friendship) but to get cozy and hear His heart for me and open mine up to His...that's priceless and so important. I trust God has everything under control but am willing to go where He leads.

I feel like I'm hanging on for the ride of my life.

Temptation

Galatians 6:1 (New International Version)

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.
But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

Galatians 6:1-3 (The Message)

Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

Wow, I'll be the first to admit that I don't know the bible frontwards, backwards, inside & out. And I actually never read this before.
It really makes me think about past times when I know that people are going through tough times and I'm trying to encourage them. Especially recently I know that I've been tempted with wanting to drink and smoke. And usually it's really a big turn off for me because I don't like the smell of either. Annnd all my life, the people around me who did those things seemed totally out of control and I didn't want to live my life that way.

I used to judge all the time but I know that while my weakness may not be drinking, or smoking - I have my false comforters. The tv, internet, foooood... And like I said recently I felt like drinking and smoking which many people don't know but some do. I didn't know where it came from but I did have compassion on those around me who struggled with the same things. And now that I know the scripture above I will be more aware of the temptations and pulls around me - especially when I'm trying to encourage those around me not to do the same [in a LOVING way of course!] : )

Our Love Story

Our Love Story is not typical:

I had a feeling we were going to get married when I was 14.
One evening when we were having a youth meeting at my aunt Debbie's house, I had this picture in my head of me and Tim sitting at the piano and playing together. For some reason I interpreted that as we were going to get married. (Don't ask me why) At the time we didn't talk much. He played the guitar and I would sing the worship songs in our group and Rick would teach.
In 2000 we took a road trip to Washington DC for The Call. It was an event to pray for our country right before the elections. I remember there was a point to make a vow to save yourself for marriage. I stood up because I really believed that I would. I looked over and Tim was doing the same thing.
I began to become friends with Tim after we got back from the trip and I could see how much he loved God. I really liked that in him. I would talk to him on the phone and on-line. One of the times we were IMing each other he IMed me, with what he thought would come up as symbols (like wingding or whatever) My mom was sitting next to me and instead of seeing code writing, it said "Candice, Will you marry me?" Straight up in a standard font. I was like "mom! what do I say to him!?!?!" So she told me to say "I'm a little young for that" (I think I was 15 at this point) He was really surprised when he realized that I saw what he actually wrote. After that whenever Tim's mom would call my mom she would tease me and say "your mother-in-law's on the phone" I would roll my eyes and tell her to stop it. Right before my 16th birthday we started liking each other. Before this we had a history of talking and not talking when we got our feelings hurt. That continued on and off for a while.

Sunday Sept 9th was the day I celebrated my Sweet 16. I had family, high school friends, & church friends. I don't know exactly what happened and what Tim was feeling after that day. But Sept 11th, 2001 I went to school and of course everyone knows what happened that day...What I didn't know if that there was an e-mail from Tim waiting for me in my inbox. So besides the chaos of the day I check my e-mail and sent early around 4 in the morning was a message saying goodbye and I'd make a good wife and mother some day.I relaized that, that morning on the way to school the book I had given him to read "I kissed dating goodbye" was on the front step. I thought he was done with it and was returning it to me. haha and now looking back, I guess that's not the book you want to get from the girl you like. but I didn't mean that...I think it talks about courtship and what not. Anyway...He drove away that morning and ended up watching the Twin Towers get hit. He kept on driving. I was hurt because I didn't feel like I did anything to push him away (at the time) and it seemed out of nowhere because we had just hung out 2 days before. I didn't know where he was and if he'd come back. He finally got to a place called 'New Hope' (crazy right!) and turned around and came back home. I didn't want to talk to him anymore because he hurt me. We fell back in to the not talking stage of our 'friendship'. I did my own thing after that. I would ask my mom "Who do you think I'm going to marry?" and she would say "you know who I think" and then I was like "God is going to make me marry Tim!" and she told me "God won't make you do anything. If you do marry him, it's going to be because you love him and you want to."

Five months later (Feb 8th, 2002) in an isolated incident I ended up getting pregnant. Valentine's Day was around the corner, I was feeling depressed like I did every February.. boo hoo... no excuses Candice. Anyway, One of the craziest things is that we didn't finish. (so yes people out there...You can INDEED get pregnant without finishing!) It also doesn't help that I have a HIGHLY fertile family. When I told the person I was pregnant, he told me it wasn't possible... because of the previous statement...but I told him I was indeed.
We ended up telling his parents. And trying to figure all that stuff out. He didn't want to be involved at that time. But no matter what, I wanted to keep this baby - it was not an option to abort him. It was my actions that resulted in this and it was my responsibility. (This was in April)

I knew Tim still loved me but there was still no communication between us. When he first found out I was pregnant, he was really upset but thought we could work it out. I was really ashamed and angry at myself so I pulled away from everyone which hurt him again. I actually still carried anger towards him from Sept 2001. I had a couple of dreams in May and I felt like if I didn't start talking to Tim again I would miss out on being married to him. [One was about driving somewhere and my parents were going to the same place but Tim wanted me to go in his car and I didn't want to go but I ended up going with him and we wound up in the same place. Another was literal like Tim was about to marry someone else and I was so so upset that I missed being the one for him.] So literally overnight I wasn't angry at him anymore. I was sorry for rejecting him and putting my guard up. I wrote him a birthday card saying that he still held the key to my heart and the choice was his if decided he still wanted me even with me being pregnant. I attached the lyrics to this song 'Wait for Me" We met in June and decided we were going to do anything possible to work it out. We knew we needed to work on our communication. We agreed to be open about everything even if we were scared it would hurt the others feelings. We got engaged a month later in July. Two months after that we got married. Tim wanted to get married before Joshua was born so he could give him his last name. I had Joshua Nov 2, 2002 - 2 months after we were married. I finished high school at home the end of 11th grade and graduated early in 12th because I was in honors classes and had enough 'credits' to do it...

And here we are 6 years later! & We still love each other. It's been hard at times, but overall really really good.

To make things even more 'un-normal' - The father of Joshua came around when Joshua was almost 4 and said he was sorry and wanted to be involved. So about 3-4 times a year we see him, his girlfriend, his mom and sister. I've told Joshua " Me and daddy made Caleb and me and daddy made Evan but me and the other guy made you"
I tell him that he has another aunt and grandma. And that he's surrounded by love.
I'm still not sure if Joshua really understands yet. But he will some day
Tim treats Joshua as his own because he was there when I was pregnant and during the birth. He is his 'real' father. He just also has a biological dad who loves him too.

His Life is so valuable. There was no 'choice' to be made. A person's a person - No matter how small.

Love Never Fails is engraved inside our wedding bands because that is what kept us going.
God's Love, Our Love for each other, Our Love for our family.
Love is really the greatest and most important thing!

LOVE NEVER FAILS!!


Wait for Me lyrics

Darling did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
Darling did you know that I
I pray about you

Cause,I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

Darling did you know I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
Till death do us part
I'll mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness and a second chance (exactly what I needed)
So wait for me
Darling wait for me
Wait for me
wait for me

...And then our Wedding Song

I Could Not Ask for More (yes I know many people have this song)

I could not ask for more than this time together,
I could not ask for more than this time with you,
Every prayer has been answered,
Every dream I have's come true,
Yeah right here in this moment, Is right where I'm meant to be,
Here with you, Here with me. . .

These are the moments, I thank God that I'm alive,
These are the moments, I'll remember all my life,
I've got all I've waited for,
And I could not ask for more. . .

My Birthverse

Mine -
Daniel 9:4 NIV
I prayed to the LORD my God and confessed: “O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with all who love him and obey his commands,

Tim -
Galatians 6:9 NIV
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Joshua -
Proverbs 11:2 NIV
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Caleb -
Ephesians 2:8 NIV
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

Evan -
Romans 8:15 NIV
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”


You are a child of God, His treasured possession. He created you in His own image. He chose the day for you to be born. He has a plan and a purpose for your life. Cherish your birthverse.

BIRTHVERSE consists of 366 verses chosen from the 66 books of the Bible. Each verse correlates the chapter and verse with its month and day.


I don't know where they come up with the chapter but it's just fun to read a verse and try to apply it to your life.

Wisdom & Prayer

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”- James 1:5 [NIV]

James 1:5-8 [The Message]

If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

I have been asking a lot for wisdom and guidance. God really is a generous God. I know not everyone had great fathers...some may not have even been good at all. But with me, I knew and know my dad loves me. He does want the best for me. I know he wants to give what he can. He has a very generous heart. So if I can think and focus on that and realize that my dad here and now loves to provide and help me and guide me as much as possible. How much more will God and can God? A Lot. I know that's a scripture too.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11

I got this e-mail yesterday...I didn't forward it yet because it was a mess and I wanted to clean up the forwards and the pictures that were attatched to it. But it was good. It really made me reflect on all that God is capible of. I'll share the e-mail and then a quick story.

I claimed it for you - now claim it for me.
God has more than a thousand
Ways to provide for us, that we know nothing about.
Here is your financial blessing!

It's a simple prayer, you got 30 Seconds?

Don't sleep on this...Someone recently read this for the first time and
Received exactly enough for a $0 balance on all credit cards.

If you need a financial blessing, continue reading this e-mail.

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God,
I pray to you that you
Abundantly bless my family and me.
I know that you recognize, that a
Family is more than just a mother, father, sister,
brother, husband and
Wife, but all who believe and trust in You..

GOD, I send up a prayer request for
financial blessing for not only the
Person who sent this to me,
but for me and all that I have forwarded
This message on to.
And that the power of joined prayer by those who
Believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything.!
I thank you in
Advance for your blessings.
God, deliver the person reading this right
Now from debt and debt burdens.

Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a
good steward over all that you
Have given me GOD, for I know how
wonderful and mighty you are and how
If we just obey you and walk in your word
and have the faith of a
Mustard seed that you will pour out blessings.
I thank you now Lord for
The recent blessings I have received and for
the blessings yet to come,
Because I know you are not done with me yet.
In Jesus name Amen

TAKE 60 SECONDS and send this on quickly and within hours, you will have
Caused a multitude of people to pray to God for each other. Then sit
Back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the thing that you know He loves. Peace and Blessings....
Have Faith

At first when I saw the $0 balance on the credit cards, I laughed inside. But then I stopped and was like "why am I laughing"? While I can't prove the source and whether that specific thing actually happened. I know God is more than able to do something like that. 

I remember last year...or maybe it was the year before that?, anyway we were behind on our bills. I checked our balance in our bank account and there was a deposit that was over $1000. I didn't know where it came from. I called the bank and asked if it was a mistake and they assured me it was not and the money was staying in our account. We still don't know why that money got put into our account (or how) but it caught us up for that period of time. 

I remember around the same time, someone I know had put their kids in camp. They could only afford a couple of days but they decided to send the kids for the whole week because they loved it so much. The same thing happened. There was a deposit in their account for the exact amount of the camp. I believe that God really pulled through there. 

So God is more then able to give you what you need...or even what you want. 

Just ask. 

Psalm 37:4 [NIV]
Delight yourself in the Lord 
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Shattered Pieces

My mom wrote it out so I don't have to...

Christine's Notes|Notes about Christine|Christine's Profile
Shattered pieces
Yesterday at 4:35pm (Jan 19 09')
I was at Candice's talking to her as she was cooking. I warned her of the dangers of cooking with glass, because I myself, have had it happen a few times-the pan explodes because of the temperature change. So we're talking, laughing, as she sears the meat. I didn't know she cranked the temperature to super high. As long as she doesn't add water I thought she'd be fine.. but boom! We hear an explosion and glass goes flying into a million pieces. Chunks ,splinters,tiny slivers all over. Even far way! God knows how far shattered glass flies-even into the next room in hidden places. The reminder is there as it cuts your foot a week later although you thought you cleaned up thoroughly. (It's especially hard having 3 young boys-keeping them safe from harm while cleaning. But We did the best we could.) My thought was is this what happens to relationships when the pressures of life gets too hot? Shattered into many pieces- beyond repair- unrecognizable? Never to be whole again? I know sometimes we can put back the pieces of life and relationships when things break down but I can't help but think of when we can't. It's traumatic and sad and usually very unexpected..So for many of us who have had this happen- it sucks! Thank God there are those relationship that are authentic. The good, the bad, the ugly are understood because we are all made of the same stuff. Forgiveness and mercy extended and a desire for reconciliation and restoration. I think of my family. They are dedicated to relationship even when we don't like each other too much. There have been many friendships over the years- some deep, some seasonal, some kind of shallow but I learn from people. What to do, what "not" to do. Yeah , I think a lot and as many of you know I think out loud. So this is me thinking out loud...

I think I get my thinking from my mom haha. Anyway...when everything was said and done...I got a few cuts but nothing horrible. The boys are ok. I still am upset that I lost my dinner. 

I will be on the look out for those scattered pieces the next few weeks. 

What a day. I told my mom, if she wasn't there I'd be calling her up in tears. Totally overwhelmed and stressed. I was glad to have her and Sarah there to keep the kids away and help clean up the huge mess!

My Dad

Romans 5:8 (New International Version)
But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Yup, so there you have it...We don't have to do anything good and right to be loved by God. 

He just loves us because He does. He's our dad. The one that loves us without expectations of performance. The one that never disappoints (even though we may not understand His way of doing things) He always pulls through. He keeps His promise. He will never leave. He will never forget you. He is pure and perfect. He loves, loves and loves some more. You is the same all the time. No walking on eggshells with Him. He's SLOW to anger - and riiiich in LOVE. He wants to tell us he loves us. He wants to spend time with us. He wants the best for us. He wants to encourage us. There is safety in Him. There is acceptance in Him. Absolutely no rejection.  He is our provider and he has the riches of the world [Dave Ramsey reference]

He knows where he's going (doesn't need a map or directions because he made it all) He knows all the routes. He's wise. He's just gooood. All Good! 

Those are my daddy thoughts of the day

No more

I decided I'm not trying anymore. I've been trying all my life. Trying to be good. Trying to fit in. Trying to feel loved. Trying to do better. Trying and Trying and I'm just done with trying. It's obviously not working. I am where I am...

and guess what?

God loves me just where I am. Sitting at my computer at 1:30 in the morning. Blogging to myself and whoever reads this. 

Life is too overwhelming. I don't want to care anymore if I'm doing a good job and whatever I'm doing. I just want to live. I don't want to follow "Rules" I know what's right and wrong.

And I want to choose the right things because I want God to lead me there and change me and it'll just happen. 

I just want You God!

That's it. 

The End

Where is the love??

Yea so I actually have been thinking about this topic A LOT. And I was thinking about how people may have the greatest education, everything in their lives under 'control', never smoked, drank, you know those baaaaad things....but if they have no compassion on those who have been there or are going through it....what good is their gooood stuff???? 

OF COURSE I am NOT saying it's ok... I know I want the best for the people around me and usually it doesn't involve those bad things and involves more of those good things. 

So I guess what I am saying could be summed up in the whole 1 Corinthians 13 scripture...especially the first part...

 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.  If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. (NLT) (yes I like to jump from translation to translation to some of the most simple words because it's easy to get the point across I guess)

1 John 4:20-21 (Contemporary English Version)

But if we say we love God and don't love each other, we are liars. We cannot see God. So how can we love God, if we don't love the people we can see? The commandment that God has given us is: "Love God and love each other!"

I do not know why I am writing about this all. And I feel like I'm failing because I'm angry at those who do not 'love'...so I am not loving...the very thing that I want, I'm not giving out. 

Tonight as I was driving I just got this urge to SCREAAAAAAM!!!! I'm so tired so following rules and trying to always do the right thing and ALWAYS failing. I just want to stop everything and still be loved. (which again in my head I am...doesn't get much deeper then that) 

I know what it's like to screw up and be a mess. I'm a living mess. But I do love...but I do judge...those who judge the 'bad' or me hahahaha. So I'm doing wrong AGAIN. 

This is a stupid stupid cycle that I just want to stop right now. 

I just want my love to overflow and flow and flow and just like bring happiness to people including myself. (like one big fairy tale...la la laaaaa) Wow...I love to love. But I want to feel love.  

And I need to feel my head against a pillow before I write some more craziness...but freal...

Love...It's important...I need more of it. I want to give more of it away and I think everyone cold use some more as well...

Where is the Love... hahahaha

I want to love like that

Do as God does. After all, you are his dear children.
Let love be your guide. Christ loved us and offered his life for us as a sacrifice that pleases God.
Ephesians 5:1-2

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

God loves me and most of the time I don't think about it. I know it in my head because I've heard it a thousand times. "Jesus loves you" I've said it to others as well. But do I realllly know how deep His love is? No I don't. If I did then I wouldn't feel the way I feel right now. I wouldn't be looking for comfort in people and things. I'd be content and in rest. I wouldn't be worried about all the things going wrong around me. The greatest of these really is love because it's so so very important! I know it but I don't know it. 

God loves me. He sent His only son to take on the pain and hurt, the bad things and consequences that I do and have to face. 

I don't know if I could give up Joshua (or Caleb or Evan) to be beaten and mocked to save a bunch of other people that may or may not even care about me. That love is deep. 

Do you love someone that couldn't care less about you or doesn't view you as valuable as you view them? If not now, have you ever? I know I have. It hurts so much. Words can't even describe the rejection and pain felt. God loves me that much. He doesn't care how much we hurt Him, how much we reject Him. How many times we push Him away and ignore Him. He is just waiting for us. He's waiting for me to go to Him. 

How great is it to be in arms of someone who loves you. How comfortable is it when someone lavishes you with their words. Tells you you're special, there's no one in the world like you. 

Isn't is a nice feeling when someone tells you how much they love to be with you. 

How deep is His love? 

I still can't fathom it. Because as much as I know how I love it's even greater and deeper then that. It's overwhelming. I just want to stop what I'm doing and just say sorry for not giving God the time He deserves. He gave up His only son. So that we could live with Him forever. 

Just just think about how much Jesus loves us. He gave up His own life so we can live in Heaven after this life. I can imagine giving up my own life for the people I love. But I still would have a hard time sacrificing my life so people who will never acknowledge me. He;s sad about that but His love is so big and great that he gave up His life anyway. So all the times you hear "Jesus Loves You"...you can actually be like 'yea He really does'.  I know when you hear something over and over and over sometimes I can be like "yea, yea, yea...I've heard that before". It diminishes the words in a way. But it's still true. 

I gotta remind myself of this every single day because life gets busy and you don't think about the One who's thinking about you all day long. 

Tired & Uninspired

...no this blog isn't about how I'm tired and uninspired (even though I have been the past few...uh months, years whatever) 

I really like this song!

It's a cover but I like this version just as much as the original. 

Just the fact that it is not remixed and covered up with synthesizers and what not. 

It's real and good. Sure it's not perfect but who is without editing? 

AJ Rafael is awesome and everyone he works with are just as awesome as he is!

You can check out more of his stuff here on YouTube or here on Myspace

I found him through Paul Wright's myspace. 

Great Musicians and Writers make me Love Music all over again. 

Park of the reason my facebook status is currently: 

Candice loves getting lost in the ♫ Music ♫

ahhhhh  *sigh of calming relief *  (whatever that means haha)

Dreams on "The Menu"

I've had a few dreams in the past few weeks and one of them really bothered me. 

The feelings that I had waking up and the few days following were no fun. 

I was angry and bitter, frustrated and hurt. 

Someone told me about at group that does on-line/e-mail dream interpretation and they got back to me pretty quickly. They have a facebook and myspace page so I thought that was pretty cool. 

Everything they wrote back seemed right on. It was so encouraging and inspiring. 

I know the stuff that's going on inside me and that was in the dream. 

I know I have judgement in me but this helped stopped that attitude and begin to pray again for direction and everything. 

Everything is about God and not about me and my wants, plans, ideas...

He has it under control. I just need to let go of it all and follow Him. 

I am indeed an intercessor and I need to get back to it. 

That's part of me being what I was created for...

Here's where I got my dream interpreted: The Menu in Texas

or the Facebook Version

Be Holy

Holy:
dedicated or consecrated
dedicate: give all or a large part of one's time or resources to a task or purpose
consecrated: make or declare sacred
sacred: regarded with great respect and reverence - connected with God

What can I get from all that...
Just have a relationship with God and know who He is as Creator, Father... and everything in between. Make time to fulfill the purpose of my life : ) to it's full potential! & Listen, Learn and Walk it Out

Lots of versions of 
1 Peter 1:13 . . . 

1Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. [NIV]

13-16 So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that's coming when Jesus arrives. Don't lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn't know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, "I am holy; you be holy." [Message]

So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world. [NLT]

Be alert and think straight. Put all your hope in how kind God will be to you when Jesus Christ appears. [CEV]

I am too tired now to write my thoughts. I'm going to actually try and get to bed at a decent hour. 

Love, Justice, and Humility...

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8

Just - 
based on or behaving according to what is morally right and fair

Mercy - 

compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm - an event to be grateful for, esp. because its occurrence prevents something unpleasant or provides relief from suffering

Humble - 

having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance or dignity

How can I incorporate this into my life...

hmmm...

... check list! 

_  know the difference of right and wrong and choose the 'right' more then I choose the wrong

_  love people and show them compassion even when they don't 'deserve it'

_  forgive!

_  remind myself how great He is 

_  think about where I've come from and where He can bring me

_  keep walking forward & listen to what I should/shouldn't be doing &, or saying

_  PRAY

_  read more to be encouraged and inspired 

I know this will be a daily checklist and I may never get them all done on a given day but I know if I pursue this, it'll be good for me, the people around me...and so much more. 

haha I just read this version...

Micah 6:8 (The Message)

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously—
take God seriously.

Eight Events in O Eight

Emad started this here note, e-mail, blog...whatever way you're reading or sending it...

 and I thought this was a really good idea because I haven't done a lot of reflecting on the year that just past. I think I want to just forget MOST of it...
But here we go...


1. Coming out of our "cave" - In January not only did we get a landline telephone, cable TV and internet we got a brand new Apple computer. It was an exciting way to begin last year. We went from nothing to everything...
We're able to connect with everyone in cyber space. Annnd now we can watch (and DVR!!!!) Heroes [and other shows] & not have to squint through the blurry static that the antenna brought.
(oh yea and no more climbing on the kitchen counter to move the antenna that I put on top of the cabinets hahahaha)

2. Full-Time Worship Leader - Tim took the full-time position as worship leader at our church. It's been hard not having him home on Saturdays but I know it's a good thing for this position.
Just another day home with the kids like every other day. I'm happy for him though because he's able to set aside for himself and he started writing music again.
I just think it's a really good direction for him. (and us)

3. Major moves - Two of my favorite families moved and it was so hard to see them leave. The Adipietros first and The Schwarz's shortly after.
I have so many great memories with both families and even though I'm able to talk to them through the beauty of the internet I still miss seeing their faces in person.

The Schwarz house on Maple Ave was full of memories. Most of the major parties in my life took place there. Besides BBQs, and Holidays...I had a bouncy castle birthday party in 8th grade I think.
My sweet 16 was there, my babyshower... and my WEDDING. Even the trees that are growing in the front of the house remind me our wedding because they planted them right before to even out the front yard.
It's weird not seeing my extended family as often because nobody's house is big enough to fit people there comfortably. I'm still sad...

But on the happy side,

The Peters Family which is my sister-in-law and her family, all moved to NY. Now all of Tim's siblings live within 30-40 minutes of each other and that's really really cool.
Especially because there's many of them! haha I know it's only temporary but I'm really happy that my boys will be able to build a relationship with his aunt and uncle and cousins too!
I know how hard it was to not live where the rest of my extended family lived and feeling sad every time we had to leave NY. (when my dad was in the military)

And speaking of military, my brother went into the Navy which has been bittersweet. I wish he was home and around more often because I love him but I know that the Navy is a really good experience for him and I'm excited that he gets to travel.
He's stationed in California so at least he's not in the middle of all the craziness and I still can call and text him (for now anyways)

4. Personal - Some things that really affected me last year involves other people and are personal so for this I will not go into detail I will just write "Personal" and I guess how it affected me...
It was months full of pain, rejection, misunderstandings, anger, resentment, un-forgiveness, feeling helpless, heartache, more rejection.... and finally there was forgiveness and mendings.
It was definitely a hard time of my life.

Under this category I will write that I also watched others go through unbelievable things and it was hard to watch and not be able to do anything to help.
There was a lot of pain, and loss, and heartache this past year that people went through and I'm really sorry to those who went though those trying times.
I realllllly hope that 2009 has more joys then sorrows.


5. Apple Mama - My mom started working full time for Apple computers which cut our communication down by half (at least) And because of her schedule and how tired she was (and is) I didn't get to see her much at all.
It was hard because I could call her anytime and usually get in touch with her but now I'm used to getting her voice mail. I'm proud of her for keeping up with it even though she's tired...
but I was also proud of her being a stay-at-home mom because I KNOW how hard that is!!!!!!!

6. Mr and Mrs Jonathan Fowler. - I was fortunate to be the matron of honor for Laura Lee's wedding my brand new sister-in-law. It was stressful at times but the day was really beautiful and so were they!
I'm so happy it's official and that they get to spend the rest of their lives together.

7. Weight "Watcher" - No I didn't go on weight watchers but I was watching my weight...I'm still watching it but now there numbers are going up again ...boooo
I lost over 20 pounds in 6 months. It was exciting and I felt good about myself...I felt good about going to the gym (another day to get out by myself)
And I loved eating healthy. BUT I gained almost all of it back in a little over 1 month. Really not a good thing. But it's my own fault. The self-sabotage that I deal with won again...
Everyone deals with their stuff (pain, loneliness, anger, etc...) and this is how I escape... but I'm not really escaping because I have to face it every single day....again.

8. Lia Sophia - I got a part time job doing home parties and I loved it. It's at a stand still (mostly due to me...but I can blame it on the economy ha)
Last year I got out and had my own part of life not attached to the house or being a mom. It was being around other woman, trying on jewelry and making money....I really really loved it.
My last party was a really crazy party that made me want to quit...but that's a whole other story...I have to get myself back out there.


I know this takes time but it was interesting to look back. If you get a chance I would love to see what affected you or was memorable the most in 2008.
Happy New Year!!!!
-Candice