10 Weeks

10 Weeks

10 weeks - visiting the Schwarz Family in NH

Man I really don't want to take anymore pictures of myself until like week 20. I think my next one will be when we find out the gender unless I'm feeling up to it before then. I'll try and think of fun pictures related the the week even of its not of myself.

Baby's size: A Date

Sleep: This week I've been sleeping very deeply and am still constantly tired which I thought I was done with.

Maternity Clothes: Nothing new - but my regular jeans are beginning to feel tighter.

Food cravings: None but my favorite meal of the week was grilled chicken in a whole wheat tortilla with good seasons dressing topped with lettuce, avocado and mango.

Food aversions: I was able to eat everything that I couldn't last week. Which is probably not the best because they aren't the healthiest of things. But I still enjoyed the ice cream :) And I haven't had anything new.

Symptoms I have: My "morning sickness" went away on Wed (5/23) I think. I haven't had it since. There were times I could feel a little uneasiness but it didn't get strong or stay long. I got nervous because I wasn't feeling "pregnant" but saw a little post on an app I had that said that week 9 was when some people turn the corner away from morning sickness and fatigue. But I am tired all the time again.

Doctor’s Appointment: Still waiting for my 1st real check-up with my OB/GYN scheduled for June 7th at 3:00. One more week!

Movement: Nope

Belly Button: Innie

Gender: Still unknown.
Guessing: Boy
Boy Names: Noel (rhymes with Joel)
Or Noelan Chase
Girl Names: Lily, Hailey, Bethany


What I’m looking forward to: My appointment & Tim's birthday

What I miss: Being able to be active without being nervous that it'll be too much or my body temp will get to high. I wanted to jump on a trampoline this weekend haha

9 Weeks

I've seen lots of blogs do a weekly update with a picture and cravings, symptoms, changes etc. I kept going back and forth if I wanted to do something like that and today I finally decided to go for it. Even though I've been through this before I feel like I'm doing this for the first time. I wish I had done it with my others kids to remind myself how my other pregnancies were. Reading other people's pregnancy blogs make me feel normal even though I feel far from it!
No picture this week.

9 Weeks

Baby's size: Medium Green Olive or Grape. That seems huge compared to when we first found out and it was the size of a poppy seed :)

Sleep: Pretty decent besides my wack dreams about losing the baby and waking up to go to the bathroom around 5am.

Maternity Clothes: I've honestly had maternity jeans that I would wear from time to time even when I wasn't pregnant so I don't think my wardrobe will change too much for a while. I own a lot of loose and flowy things to make room for my carb loading belly that I made.

Food cravings: frozen pineapple, any other fruit, cream cheese bagels...well...until I ate them for breakfast lunch and dinner a few days ago and now the smell of everything bagels make my stomach turn :(
And all the things I'm not allowed to eat while pregnant.

Food aversions: Everything bagels haha the smell of BBQed anything and Summer's coming! Oh no! - but mostly chopped meat (burgers, burritos ugh stop no more) and when I'm serving Tim or the boys ice cream my eyes & head say "yum" and my belly says "don't even"

Symptoms I have: Nausea mostly in the evening, my intense sense of smell, falling asleep quickly as soon as I lay down. And my face is breaking out. Yay hormones...

Doctor’s Appointment: 1st real check-up with my OB/GYN is for June 7th at 3:00 and it can't come soon enough!
I'll be about 11 and a half weeks. I'll get a real due date & hopefully see the heart beat and beany baby.

Movement: only in my bad dreams because of the horror stories I read when I first found out of someone feeling it super early with an ectopic pregnancy.

Belly Button: Innie.

Gender: Still unknown. Guessing: Boy

What I’m looking forward to: No more nausea and seeing the heartbeat.

What I miss: Non-Vegetarian Sushi, Goat cheese, Feeling well, Kickboxing

3 BIG Brothers

Don't mind how horrible I am with recording these videos. The second one is a little better. I kept watching the boys and not where I was recording. We didn't know how they were going to respond so we softened the news with a little candy. Not a bad idea since it resulted in no tears or tantrums haha. I wish I would've gotten Evan on tape when it finally clicked for him. He was running all around the house saying "Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for having a baby!!" Tim came up with the little riddle to get them involved in figuring out what we were telling them. I guessed that Joshua would guess the word first but didn't know that it would click for Caleb so fast.

The boys have been really interested in how the baby is growing & forming, how big it is each week, what it looks like & etc. They are constantly asking questions.

One of the topics that they have asked about is if the baby gets what I eat too since it's "in my belly". We told them in one way or another so I should try to eat mostly healthy.
One night while we were eating ice cream the boys brought it up (probably because it's not the healthiest of things - already looking out haha) and I said once and a while is okay as long as I'm not eating it every day. Evan chimes in and says "I fed the baby tuna!". I laughed because earlier that week, he asked to make lunch. He mixed up the tuna and mayo, added apples, put it on bread and even wrapped it up later so we both could eat some lunch together while we were out. And he knew at that point if I ate some, the baby would get some too.

I'm looking forward to more stories like those over the next few months. I'm honestly still in shock even though it's been about 3 weeks. I looked in the mirror last night and was thinking how I look the same still even though I definitely feel the symptoms of the first trimester. I forgot how crappy nausea was. Bleh.

But back to the videos :)
Enjoy!

Life is Short - Love Hard

If you haven't read my previous blog you may want to go back here so you can follow what's going on. This is my part two of the "Emotional Rollercoaster" Sorry for the length of this. I was going to try and break it up more but I decided to just keep the way it is. You can come back and finish it later if you want haha

To rewind just a little bit - I had tried calling Tim from the doctor's office to tell him what was going on before I left. I got his voicemail and didn't want to leave it on a message so I decided to just wait until he got home so I could tell him in person. He called me back mid day and asked if I was in any pain from the removal. I told him that it was a little uncomfortable but I was feeling fine. I told him that the doctor said it had started coming out on it's own but left it at that. I really really wanted to tell him everything right then and there.

We had both found out around the same time of our phone call that Adrianne, Tim's cousin's wife had passed away. It added another layer of the emotions that I was already feeling from earlier that morning. I didn't understand why that happened and was upset and sad and angry but also knew she wasn't in pain anymore and I felt relived for her but not the family. The layers of mixed emotions that were all intertwined and overlapping felt like a heavy blanket. It was A LOT to process within a few hours. I'm honestly STILL in the midst of processing the whole day's events.

When Tim got home at his usual time instead of working late like he had been the past few weeks, I was so happy. I tried to set up a camera to record me telling him the news. I usually meet him outside to greet him if I'm not cooking or in the middle of something else. I pointed the camera towards his work truck and stood on the grass waiting for him. Except he called me over to the back of the truck and asked if I wanted to see the materials for the next work day. This is something that he's done before so I walked back leaving the view of the camera thinking we'd be right back. But when he opened the back of the truck there was no massive stairs. Instead it was 2 bouquets of flowers :) He's super sweet. He totally surprised me so I decided after giving him and big hug and kiss it was the perfect time to surprise him back. I showed him a picture of where the IUD should've been and then showed him around where the doctor said it was. I unfolded the bottom flap of the paper that said "...because of this, the doctor said I am ALREADY pregnant!! - I'm still as shocked as you!" it took him a minute to read and then re-read it. His eyes got bigger and said "REALLY?!?" he picked me up and hugged me really tight and said "Congratulations Mama!" I told him about the blood work that I had to do and the risk of it being ectopic but told him I would keep him posted on the results especially if and when he went upstate for the wake and funeral.

The next morning Tim went to work. I ran to the store to get paint for the boys for their new easel. While I was there I grabbed 2 pregnancy tests just so I could see for myself. When I got home I set up the paint for the boys and ran into the bathroom to take the test so I could see it with my own eyes. It showed up right away. I had not seen those results in what felt like forever. I had even taken tests with my IUD when my cycles started to get weird but they were always negative, even 42-63 days after my previous period. So to see two lines right away was surreal. It started feeling more like reality than a dream at that point. I texted Tim right after so he could see it too. And he continued his list of things he loves about me that he started the morning before by adding #17 "you make a really good mama"

I was still waiting for the first set of blood results. I started calling them but every time I did, it said that the office was closed. I was so frustrated because when I looked up their office hours it said they should've been open still. Just when I thought I was not going to get a call that day, the phone rang. I answered it quickly since the phone was right by my side. The person on the other end started by asking if I had any pain or bleeding which I didn't take as a very good sign to start the conversation. I told her "no". She continued to say that my levels were low and that I needed to come back in on Monday morning to retake the test. I asked her what my levels were and she answered "415"
She told me I didn't need to set an appointment for Monday.

Fast forward to Monday. I brought Evan with me this time since I knew it was just bloodwork. I was in and out and they told me I would get a call the next day like I had on Saturday.

Tuesday felt like the longest day of my life...until Wednesday but I'll get back to Wednesday in a minute. I tried to keep myself busy by cooking and cleaning for company I was having for dinner that night and also for Tim's arrival back home from upstate. When I still didn't receive a call by the afternoon like they had on Saturday I decided to follow up. The receptionist said that someone would get back to me in another 24-48 hours. I hung up with a sunken heart. I had to wait MORE for something that was going to tell me if I should be going to the ER or if everything is okay?? That felt so wrong. I kept busy and enjoyed the night with friends and especially Tim coming home.

Wednesday morning came and I decided to register Evan for kindergarden that morning instead of waiting for Friday to get me out of the house. It was much quicker than I was expecting so I was home in no time. I checked my home caller ID but there were no calls. I didn't know what to do with myself that day because the receptionist said 24-48 hours which could've meant today but could also mean tomorrow. I used my spare time by doing the worst thing possible and googling ectopic pregnancy and reading all about it, what to look for, what my HCG levels could/should be for around how far along I was (which was only around 4 weeks based on my last period and if my cycles were regular) I read stories about how women had good HCG levels and even sonograms that showed something and ended up in the ER with a ruptured tube. I was a total mess. I was trying not to get fully attached to the little poppy seed that was growing inside of me because I didn't know what was going to come of it. And because I had a miscarriage in the past, and I knew the pain it brought, I was trying to guard myself even more.

I decided to call my sister-in-law who had experience with this. I explained everything to her and she told me to constantly call the doctors office until they gave me an answer because it's not something to mess around with. So that's what I did.

When I first called they had the nerve to say that someone had tried to call the day before and nobody picked up so I had to wait for them to call me back. I carried around both my cell and house phone into whatever room I was in ALL DAY on Tuesday. I even checked the caller IDs and there were NO missed calls. She said someone would call back when they got a chance but it was a busy day so I may have to wait. I called back two more times after that. Finally they said the doctor would call me "right back" I hung up and told myself to call them back in 15 minutes if I wasn't called back by then. Evan came home from school and my friend came in shortly after that so 15 minutes came and went. The phone rang shortly after and I answered it right away. It was the doctor. She told me that the results were really good and my numbers were now at 1271 (which is more than tripled from the 415 on Friday) I asked her if it was "too good" because of the google horror stories and she assured me it was right where it should be. She asked if I could come in the next morning. My friend that was there heard me trying to figure out if I could go in the next morning and offered to watch Evan if I needed to go somewhere so I agreed.

I went in the next morning and got another sonogram. She said I was measuring 5weeks and 5days and the sac was where it should be, in the uterus. She told me everything looked great and congratulated me again. She printed me out the picture and even though I couldn't see the baby in it, it was such a hopeful and happy picture for me. I felt relived. & Even though it was still "too early" Tim and I agreed to fill in our families right away that morning.
Although I'm still only about 8 weeks now and most people say you shouldn't tell anyone until 12 weeks and the first trimester is over, what better day than Mother's Day weekend to share the story.

My next appointment isn't until June 7th when my OBGYN gets back from medical leave. Seeing the heartbeat will sink in reality just that much more.

My sister-in-law Mary posted "Life is Short, Love Hard" a few weeks ago and after my sister-in-law Laura came back from upstate she had re-posted it. Once I saw it again I decided that no matter what comes of this pregnancy even if it was short, I was going to "love hard". Even though it's only the size of a raspberry at this point, I'm already in love with the life that is forming inside of me.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Tim & I have 3 beautiful boys who we love so much!  We are in constant awe of how incredible they are and how much they have grown in the last 9, 7 & 4.5 years. The topic of having another baby hasn't really come up seriously in the last 4 years because we've been thoroughly enjoying where we were at: being able to go to the movies, a spur of the moment outing - not having to think about diapers, wipes, toys, feedings, being able to sleep through the night and even sleep in! Caleb and Evan are late sleepers now and Joshua knows to take care of Yoshi (his bearded dragon) and get dressed before he can play on the computer or watch TV. He's old enough now to be assured that he's not going to roam around outside, set the microwave on fire, climb on top of the stove or empty the water cooler onto the kitchen floor. (All things that I have had to deal with in the years of toddler hood with my 3 wild boys) And those are the very things that when thinking about having another baby quickly snapped me out of it haha.

And then...I don't know how the conversation got started but by the end of it we had decided that we indeed wanted to have another baby and not only that, we thought about when we would start trying and about when the arrival would be. First step was to schedule an appointment to get my IUD taken out. Best invention if you were inconsistent & got pregnant on the pill (like I did with Evan) It was awesome not having to think and plan and worry (even though I went to 2 different doctors because I started having such weird and long cycles - but they both assured me everything was "normal")

So this was the plan... get the IUD out, hopefully start a normal cycle for the next month with backup protection and then after our scheduled skydiving experience on Tim's birthday whatever happens after that happens. We weren't going to tell anyone that we were going to start trying in the Summer because with my new long and random cycle I didn't know how long it would take to get pregnant and didn't want the constant "are you guys pregnant yet??" plus there was the other risk of having complications with the IUD and not being able to get pregnant at all which is rare but possible.

So I called the place that gave me the IUD about 4 years ago to make an appointment to take the IUD out. The receptionist on the phone asked if I could come in that week. I wasn't fully prepared for that. We were going to back ourselves up the week before because I read that you can still get pregnant the week before IUD removal since sperm can live for a few days. (& I made sure I bought a big box just to be super duper covered over the next month and a half - TMI?)
And plus, That would leave more of a window to get pregnant sooner and we were waiting until after skydiving. I asked if I could come in about 3 weeks later. The appointment was set for April 20th at 10:30am

I called Tim's mom, Donna, and told her what we were planning and asked if she could watch Evan because I couldn't bring him to this appointment like I do with most other appointments. She was excited and said she was able to watch Evan.

April 20th comes and I'm feeling uneasy in my stomach. I tried eating a light breakfast but wasn't in the mood for anything else. This was a big step and we had control of the outcome as far as babies for a while and we were giving that up again. I got to my appointment a little early, signed in, paid my $40 co-payment (bleh!), and sat and waited...and waited...and waited some more! Then I watched the people that came in after me go into the back room before me. At this point I was starting to boil. I talked to the receptionist and communicated my frustration that I HAD AN APPOINTMENT...for THREE WEEKS NOW - and people were walking in and out and I'm still sitting here. She just replied "Everyone's situations are different" To make matters worse, Donna had to be somewhere that afternoon but I had assured her it shouldn't take long because when I got the IUD it didn't take long - & besides that, I needed to be home by 12:30/12:45 myself to get Evan off to school and I also told my friends I could watch their girls around 1:00pm. I gave myself 2 hours for what I thought should take THE MOST 40 mins. Finally my name was called a little after 12:00. They did my blood pressure, took my weight, got a urine sample and then showed me to another room where after answering a bunch of the doctor's questions, I had to wait another 10-15 mins before she got back. During the waiting time I called Donna and told her I was finally in the room and that I was so sorry and I had been in the process of trying to have someone else relive her so she could get to where she needed to go but she told me not to worry and do what I needed to do.

As I was on the phone with her, the doctor FINALLY walked in, so I rushed off so I could finish up the appointment and get home as quickly as possible. As soon as I'm off the phone, the doctor asks me "Do you know that you're ALREADY pregnant??" At this point I now feel like I'm in a dream. I went from complete frustration and anger to shock, nervousness and fear (because I still haven't gotten my IUD taken out at this point!) I knew that if you did get pregnant with the IUD which was only like a .01% chance or something it almost always resulted in an ectopic pregnancy which doesn't end well for the baby and can be just as bad for the mother. I'm still in disbelief and suggest they must have mixed up the urine samples. The doctor assures me they didn't and they even tested it twice to be sure. The doctor now does a sonogram and finds the IUD but tells me that it had already started coming out on it's own so that's a possibility on why I became pregnant and she's surprised I didn't realize it earlier. While looking at the sonogram monitor, she said she didn't see a baby or even a sac in the uterus which could mean ectopic pregnancy ...or that I was just really really really early in my pregnancy. Two crazy extremes. She tells me I have to get blood work now and I have to go sit in another waiting room for that. At this point I'm in a swirl of emotions all at once. It was completely overwhelming. I called Donna back, this time in tears telling her that I was already pregnant and I had to stay there even longer for blood work and now Evan was about to go to school and the girls were coming and I had nothing ready and didn't know how much longer it was going to take. Donna again assured me that everything was going to alright and to do what I needed to do.

I got my bloodwork done and was told I would get a call the next day to let me know the results of my HCG levels (or how much of the pregnancy hormone was in my system) I had to come back a few days later on Monday to retake my blood and see if the levels went up which would be a good thing. Before I left, the doctor said she really thought everything would be fine and it was just too early to see anything but she had to add that if I had any pain or bleeding to go to the ER right away.

I leave still in a mess of emotions, crying the whole way home. Some happy and hopeful tears of joy and others of fear of what was going to happen. Then I started to think how I felt uneasy that morning and another thing that I won't blog about ;) and how those definitely could've been signs of pregnancy. I start laughing at that point and then laughed again about how I thought Tim and I had a plan for our next baby. But God had/has His own. To Be Continued...

Yes I had to see it for myself!