Sometimes I feel like I have SO much pain and emotions buried deep, deep inside of me that the more I try to "deal" with the pain that's underneath it all, the deeper I get myself into a hole.
I know I'm a mess. I've done really stupid things, said really stupid things...I've had things done to me that I still don't understand, unjust things that are still unresolved. As time goes by the pile keeps building on top of all the ISSUES.
Offenses, bitterness, judgement, hurt, anger, rejection...etc. etc. etc.
I'm the type that wants to get to the root of it all so I can get healing and function better with whatever the issue is.
I'm also hopeful that as I go through things, I can help others see that I made it through and give them reassurance that they're going to be ok.
Lately as I get reminded of things that have hurt me in the past I go deeper and recall everything from that time period. It gets to be too much to handle. The deeper I look inside, the deeper the hole seems and I'm reminded of that phrase "digging yourself into a hole". Except the hole is my heart and the dirt is the issues of the heart. The more I dig, the deeper I get, the darker it is, & the more alone I feel. I'm throwing the dirt onto myself and I feel like there's no way out.
Is this part of the healing process? I'm not the one who's going to fix me. He is. Yea I can do my part and react and respond in forgiveness towards myself and others - and that brings healing.
From now on, I don't plan on doing any treasure hunts deep inside my heart. As the issues rise to the surface I'll TRY to respond in the way God wants me to. And hopefully the process will go quickly and not linger for years :)
Ehhh who am I kidding??, it'll be a life long process so here we go... What's on the surface?
And how am I going to respond?
