The elephant in the room

Today I've wasted my day away, avoiding all my 'duties' (besides feeding & getting the boys to school.) I have a few dishes to wash, a floor to sweep, a pile of clothes to fold and put away.

Besides running away from those things which would take me no time to just do it, I'm avoiding facing the emotion, pain, hurt, anger, shame etc. that's just running laps inside of my heart.

I'm aware of it all, I'm choosing to run away. Of course it's easier to 'not deal' right this very second, but I know I'm going to have to face it at some point. If I don't it's going to turn into a big mess and will affect everyone around me.

God, Help Me.

Again, and again and again.

My heart is raw, and broken.

It's still beating but it's wounded.

Take away the anger, shame, sadness, heaviness, anxiety that has grabbed a hold of me. Take it all. I don't want to carry it, and I know You don't want me to carry it. Speak life into me to replace the chatter of death. Break it off.

You love me despite what's in my heart. Heal me and clean me.

Thank You for loving me when it's hard to love myself.

Help me see myself through Your eyes. No more lies.

I'm letting go.

"Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and

I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go,

promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape"

-Relient K