It's what You do best

Here's a really rough draft of something I'm in the process of writing:

I am not what I did

I am not who I was

I am someone with purpose (& a story of hope/restoration)

Uncover & Cover

Root Out & Re-plant

Make beauty from ashes 3x

:[It's what You do best]:

I'm so unworthy but You call me lovely

I will let You sing it over me

Lovely, lovely, lovely one

I will drink in Your words

I will drink in the truth

You've made me whole

With your Love...

As memories start to surface

I will not hold onto guilt

I will not hold onto shame

Pain in the process refines to purity

What will tomorrow bring?

Proverbs 27

You Don't Know Tomorrow

¹ Don't brashly announce what you're going to do tomorrow; you don't know the first thing about tomorrow.

¹ Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.

A lesson learned first hand. We all had plans that day. I was heading to a friends house after church with Sarah and we were going to have a great day hanging out and eating and spending time together.

But that's not what happened.

My mom had a heart attack. Thankfully she caught it right away and rushed to the hospital with my dad and Sarah.

It was the most stressful thing not knowing what was going on and what to do to help. I went from thinking of hanging out to worrying about my mom in a split second. Nothing else mattered. I wanted my mom to be ok...and I knew she wasn't. Deep down I knew that it wasn't time for her to die but that didn't keep me from breaking down at the thought of "what if". But I also laughed while I cried because I thought "well my mom won't have to go to work right now" Because I knew it was stressing her out.

It was a life changing event.

I started this post the day after she had the heart attack and I'm now finishing it over 2 months later and a few days before she has to go back into surgery because there's been more tingling and numbness and they're trying to prevent her from going through that again.

This is just a reminder to myself to just take in every moment.

I have no idea what's around the corner. The good the bad...it's all a mystery.

And it can be scary.

I feel so bad for the pressure she feels and carries. The fears from having a heart attack and not knowing if and when it will happen again.

God help her. Help me and my whole family who has been effected by this event. And help us to just soak in the good moments of life, cherish our friends and family and keep us strong through the hard times.

My mom's story on parenting and how much she loves us

A week or so ago, my mom commented her own status explaining how she loves each one of her kids...in detail. Sarah & I were joking how her one post could be it's own blog, so I decided to post it here so I can look back and be reminded of the love that my mom has for each one of her children. I love you mama!

Christine Konior My baby girl is coming home tomorrow night- my heart is celebrating - having an internal party- I really adore my kids-,they all are so uniquely different and I love each one deeply :)

September 22 at 1:58pm via Facebook for iPhone · Comment ·

• You, Karen Farrell Tunney, Jen Shirkhani, Thomas Farrell and 3 otherslike this.
• • 

    Sarah Konior you are the cutest, most bestest mother in the whole entire universe!

    September 22 at 2:14pm · · 1 person
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    Lauri Samson Amen Chris!!! My heart rejoices with yours!

    September 22 at 3:05pm ·
  • 

    Christine Konior

    Thanks Sarah!!- I love you - you know I'm a million miles from perfect, especially as a parent-
    So my story is.... my secrets of parenting is saying that I'm sorry -and quickly, not using the authority of parenting to lord over or cover my mistakes- maybe I did do that sometimes ( sorry) but would apologize. Communication is vital. We all need to know we are loved and will receive forgiveness and mercy in our not so pretty moments- I thank my children for letting me off the hook when I failed them- I failed them a lot. No instruction book- no manual- trial and error- lots of error- poor Candice- 1st born- practiced on her - thank God she survived our bumblings-what a great kid-so thankful, so sweet and kind, so beautiful-what a love--so likeable- a true loyal friend- what a great Mom she is and a road tripper like me- an adventurer- taking her kids to different places- and a gatherer of people- loves family parties-hospitable and very responsible - I want to have a show" Everybody Loves Candice"- lol - never wants to hurt a fly- she is very special if I do say so myself- i almost lost her at birth - fetal distress- thank God I didn't- my 1st born-I had know idea I had this kind of love in me - she pulled it out of me introducing me to parenthood- to love someone above myself- different than a spouse -I had to raise another human being. Although I made mistakes I wanted to do this parenting thing well.
    Poor Dan-my boy- what a cutie -he loved girls at a young age- flirting as a baby lol-I didn't understand all he needed as a son - and a middle child -to top it off he was in a house full of women because John traveled a lot-having us tell him to calm down- didn't understand testosterone back then cause I'm a girl lol- but I tried- and failed- but he forgave me. He has a thing for justice-fairness. He sees through hypocrisy and has a great BS meter. He knows when people are real. He has a sensitive heart with a fighter spirit- this leads to a lot of inner turmoil sometimes- John and I both have this trait-Not easy. Dan is compassionate and generous - fun loving and a jokester. Loyal- very family oriented - loves Christmas so much. Any holiday he loved-because he loves to celebrate. He loves giving gifts. He would dress up in a little suit - so handsome and take me on a date with his birthday money-what a heart- especially for the homeless- wanting to feed them-I still remember the emotion of feeling the love for a son after having a girl- it was beautifully different-my only son-Dan the man! Then there's Sarah - the baby- got away with murder because we were... Well tired- plus her personality- she knew how to get her way. She was a love bug and still is- very touchy feely- since she was little climbing on John's head and to this day still cuddles closely- I think I had to lay down with her at bedtime before she slept until she was a teenager- lol - she still loves to climb in our bed and cuddle sometimes- leaving John and I falling off the edges- Sarah loves to be in the center- I believe she's wired this way- she has a demand to be seen and heard - an important voice -also full of determination extremely affectionate and loves to love-she has an infectious laugh that brings joy-and what a hugger! She's very funny and honest- full of passion - everyone is her new best friend lol
    She is sensitive too. She's been adorable since she was a baby. I truly have been blessed with my children. They are all musical which I'm happy about:) We all love food and are good cooks too-love to feed people.
    The hardest thing I believe for them is growing up with immature parents- John and I met at 17 from typical dysfunctional families and pretty much were kids raising kids- we had a very rocky relationship and unfortunately they went along for the bumpy ride- the good news is that the ride has smoothed out and we finally well kind of grew up - kind of -with a million miles to go of course. They have the benefit of us still being together although I'm sure they wonder why we stayed together at times. So my kids are grown up venturing out in life and Im reflecting- feeling thankful for the blessings and regretful over my failings- yet forgiven- a strange combination of emotions yet simultaneous - I guess I'm getting ready for another chapter of life and understanding that I've learned a lot and have much more to go- I'm willing to accept and grow. When I look back I learn to love myself because I see me in my kids and I love them all so much. Maybe just maybe God loves me even more- wish I could say I could wrap my head around God and love and relationships and what is the meaning of life stuff.Occasionally there's a glimpse of knowing love and relating it all to God because He is love- the Creator of all things- maybe theologically we disagree but we can all agree we know we like it when we feel loved. So my wish, my prayer, is for love to heal, so we can enjoy and feel love in a much greater measure:)

    September 24 at 1:28pm · · 3 people
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    Sarah Konior ma that was the greatest blog ever! ;)

    Wednesday at 8:12pm · · 1 person