I'm liking this new homepage

Of course I'm up past midnight once again so I get a "sneak peak" at tomorrow which is really today's verse of the day. 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”- John 16:33

Don't I know that there will be trouble in this world. Oh yes I do.  It seems like everything and everyone is unravelling right before my eyes. It's so easy to get caught up in the stress and chaos of it all. Deep down because I know that I have a refuge, I do know things will be ok. 

I just want to reallllllly grab hold of it all the time. And I don't want it to stay "deep down" I want it to overflow into my life. 

Peace is a great thing to ask for and to have. I need more of it. Definitely. 

I just think God is awesome. 

The End. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled...

“[Jesus Comforts His Disciples] "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”- John 14:1-3

I'm trying 

Well Looky Here

My new homepage is www.biblegateway.com because I'm trying to get my priorities straight. 

And anyways, I didn't read anything today and when I opened up the homepage...and actually read the "Verse of the Day" this is what it said:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest

Matthew 11:28

I think that applies to every day...but after my last blog I think that reallllly applies to right this very second. 

Ok God, Here you go. 

Time for sleep. 

Oh What a Night...

I'm not getting into the details of what's going on but I really got to thinking about where I am now and being a teenager. I was doing some research and I came across something that really made me think. It put words to my feelings and what I've been trying to say all along in different situations...

 These are not the exact words, it was a whole article but to sum it up here's my take on it:

Adults don't handle things well a lot of the time so why are there such high expectations on teenagers to make good decisions. I kept saying that I know how I deal with my issues, I turn to food. It's more socially acceptable in ways. But I know underneath everything in everyone there are issues. Un-delt issues that need to be...well...delt with. I STILL don't know how to do it. But I'm hoping when I figure it all out I can help other people do the same. I definitely know you have to take one day at a time. It's good to plan and set goals but if it's too much it's extremely overwhelming. 

There are a lot of times when I feel depressed and I know I have no reason to. And I'm wondering if this is all for a reason. Is this part of my journey? Something I need to experience to have compassion on others? Because I feel like I'm getting there and I do a little more each day. Don't get me wrong, I still judge at times even though my heart doesn't want to. I just want everyone to 'follow the rules' even though I don't do it either. People will do what they want to do. 

There's soooo much going on around me and in me and I just want to help them...and especially myself. It's like that airplane rule. You take the oxygen for yourself before you give it to the child because you'll be useless if you try and give it to the child first and you pass out....or something like that. I know I need to focus on what's going on with me and deal with it. I know my issues and I know I need to face them head on, one-by-one. I need to be strong and I need discipline. I really do not like it but I know it's so good for you. 

You look at children, if they're not disciplined they're out of control and bratty. I know I'm doing an injustice to my kids when I let things go...and let them get away with stuff they shouldn't. It may be hard but I need to keep reminding myself that if I don't deal with it now then later on it's going to be that much harder. 

This all is still a bit overwhelming but it really gives me a little more compassion on teenagers...it wasn't that long ago that I was one hahaha. But there's something there that I feel called to...in a way. 

I'm on my way...

So before you look down on a young person for acting...like a teenager - 

think first how you dealt with things at their age...and then think how you deal with things now.

I'm in no way saying it's ok to let people get away with things and letting it go. Like I said discipline is good and healthy. I'm just saying let's try not to judge. It's too easy to point the finger at someone else.  

I guess I have to do this again

I totally let myself go. I stopped working out, started eating whatever and whenever and however much I wanted. I hate this feeling. I'm very close to where I started in the way beginning and that's pretty depressing...no it's very depressing. But I know I need to just stop and begin to incorporate how I lost the weight before. I'm re-reading my old blogs and I know what to do. But I want to do the complete opposite in both extremes. I want to do starvation mode...which I KNOW does not work/last. (and I could never last haha) and then I just want to give up and do some more self destruction. 

Oooo-k...Time to be accountable again : ( 

Dang...

Stomach - 40 1/2''

Legs - 24''

Arms - 11 1/2''

Weight - 155 lbs

Ok let me "Think on good things"

I'm five pounds less then when I began in June

I'm 1 1/2'' smaller in my stomach area...

So I'm not COMPLETELY starting over, but it's so very close. 

And I know where it came in. 

Because we're starting to try and save money on groceries, I've been trying to bake (with white flour) use rice, pasta and potatoes because it's cheap and everyone feels full. And allll of those are no good.  Then I've been using food as a comfort again so on top of what's in the house...I'm just adding junk and more calories. 

I was putting groceries on the credit card and I can't do that anymore. So I'm going to have to really really work out harder to make up for the food that's in the house. 

I still have veggies and sometimes fruit in the house. But they're gone soooo fast. 

I know we won't be in this place forever. I just have to make due with where we are and what we got. 

Time for lunch...and I'm not sure what I'll have yet. 

I'm seeing a pattern

I laughed at myself because today I read an e-mail I wrote to someone and it was exactly how and what I'm feeling at this very point in time...and it was exactly a month ago...

hahaha

Anyways, 

I've been crying a lot lately. Lately as in the past few months. I used to say I'm not much of a crier but if it's going to continue the way it's been then I won't be able to say that at all. I'm actually happy that I'm crying hahaha. I used to try and make myself cry when I was upset or angry and I never could. I guess I'm getting softer. That's a good sign. Hopefully it won't get completely out of hand. 

I was a mess a little while ago but I'm feeling better and I thought it was time for a nice blog vent-free. I know I'll be ok over time. It's part of the process right?

Last night while I was at the gym (yea I FINALLY went back there!! yay! oh how I missed it)

I read Job 5. 

I'll show you my process of reading it haha - you know you can stop reading at any point right?

This is more for me then the reader but I know it can be fun at times to read about other people.

Ok first thing that stuck out was 

Job 5:2 ~ Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple

So it got me thinking about myself and I don't want to be a fool and I definitely don't want to be "dead" haha. It didn't take long to think of all the things I was resentful and envious about. I was well aware before I read this. But I went through my list of people and situations and I let it go.  There's no point in holding on to it. It won't help me grow. It won't get me to where I want to be. I want to move forward not stand still. 

Moving on.

Bear with my copy and paste job. I know it's long but I'm going to break it down. 

To make it easier I am going to color code my thoughts and comments : )

15 He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth;
he saves them from the clutches of the powerful.

I had just come from the FPU class (Financial Peace University)

and we watched a video about 'how to get debt-free' and this line got me thinking about how powerful those companies are and how they make people poor in a sense. 

(Remember...this is just my thought process as I'm reading - don't take it as interpretation or whatever) 

16 So the poor have hope,  I love hope, I want hope, I need hope!
and injustice shuts its mouth.  yea - SHUT IT haha

17 "Blessed are those whom God corrects;
so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.

I know correction is good. Especially being a parent now, I know how important it is even though I'm not as good as I should be in that area. I know when you're corrected it's usually out of love. And when it's with God, it's ALWAYS out of love. So I want to be corrected as painful, embarrassing, and difficult as it is most of the time. (I can feel myself cringing as I type that)  

Correction helps you grow - again what I want to do!

And this next part I just read over and over because it was just full of hope and how awesome God is...

18 For he wounds, but he also binds up;
he injures, but his hands also heal. 

I know when I'm in pain sometimes I'm in those situations to get closer to God. 

And nothing can ever fix me up like He can. He's not a mean God. We got through tough times to make us stronger, wiser, more compassionate people - if we choose to look at it that way and move forward and not store up anger and bitterness (which I'm really good at btw)

19 From six calamities he will rescue you;
in seven no harm will touch you.

20 In famine he will deliver you from death,
and in battle from the stroke of the sword.

21 You will be protected from the lash of the tongue,

I wish I remembered this today when someone threatened to take me to small claims court over $45.00 or something like that...that's a whole other story. I was really upset and angry...I think I still am... bah
and need not fear when destruction comes.

This all started making me think about what's going on all around the world and knowing that God can protect us from all those hard situations that's bound to happen....

22 You will laugh at destruction and famine,  ok this was a hard one to take in...I can't ever see myself laughing but I know this is in the Old Testament and when evil and evil people were destroyed and not saved through Jesus. 
and need not fear the wild animals.

23 For you will have a covenant with the stones of the field,
and the wild animals will be at peace with you.

24 You will know that your tent is secure; my home is safe
you will take stock of your property and find nothing missing. no theft

25 You will know that your children will be many, I'm well on my way with that one. haha
and your descendants like the grass of the earth.  that's a lot!

26 You will come to the grave in full vigor, 
like sheaves gathered in season.

27 "We have examined this, and it is true.
So hear it and apply it to yourself."

I really laughed when it said 'apply it to yourself' because I was doing that the whole time I was reading it. There were other parts I didn't write here but if you want to read the whole thing you can do that yourself. I know I'm going to have to read this over and over to really get it all. That's why I like reading different versions. It's fun. 

Job 5 - NIV 

Job 5 - Amplified 

And then last night I was thinking of that song "It's your kindness Lord, that leads us to repentance..." and I was like where is that in the bible. I tried looking it up briefly but couldn't find it. So then I was like "Is it even biblical or is it just a song" And when I woke up I was still thinking of it. so I tried again unsuccessfully so then I called Mama Donna. And she looked it up for me in her handy concordance. I didn't try the internet but next time I'm sure that would've worked.  So I'll end with these two versions:

Romans 2:4 (New Living Translation)
4 Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

Romans 2:4 (New International Version)
4Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?

I need your kindness and tolerance and patience God. 

Ok The End I'm tired. 

Mr. Poo-Poo Maaaan - He poops in his paaaants

The title is referring to a song that my brother made up about Joshua back in the day when he too pooped in his pants. This song is a good background song for the following entry. 

Too bad you guys don't know it and can't hear it in your head like I am right now. 

Today was another day that Caleb decided to poop in his pants again. It's getting tiring. He was doing totally fine...and I don't know what happened. But anyway, he did his thing and I brought him into the bathroom and I took a picture. I don't even know why. I was way past the anger stage. Now it's just routine when I should be done with this phase. He was like "don't show anyone that - everybody will laugh at me". This means he's full aware of what he's doing. He knows it's wrong. & He knows it's 'frustrating' me...he used that word haha. He told me that daddy doesn't get frustrated when he poops in his pants - (but daddy is not the one who has to clean him up allll the time) 

So I have this picture. It's not a great picture to look at and again I'm not exactly why I took it. Maybe to show that I actually have a 'job'. ha

But who am I showing? Nobody... especially at Caleb's request. 

I think I should delete it...

...or maybe I can be one of those moms who keep it to embarrass their children when they're dating someone...

hmmm - am I that mean? Uhh I think I am. 

To the scrapbook it goes!