Saturday, June 19, 2010

Should I Stay or Should I go now?

Please, please, please don't message me trying to sway me one way or another. I don't mind talking about things, but trying to talk me into something is a whole different level.

I'm in this really hard place right now where the thought of church makes me cringe inside. I'm tired, and dead inside. I've said it to a couple of people while trying to figure out what's 'wrong' with me. I used to go to church on Sunday because it was the only day I would spend with God. And now, the opposite has happened - but not on purpose.


Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An’ if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know!

** Another post I never finished and posted.
I'm in a different place right now although sometimes I ask myself what's the point of church. Why do I go? What am I doing here?
I wasn't planning on just going to another church though. I love Tom & Nadine and everything they're about. I think they have a lot of wisdom and things I can learn from them. And the love they carry. That's what I want! So it wasn't an issue with my church. It was an issue with church in general.
I know there's a bigger picture with my relationship with God and I'm glad over time I've been able to cultivate that in my own home or car. But I know there's something bigger then myself, my own life, my own family.

I'm content in where I'm at...and at the same time I know there's something more.

Friday, June 11, 2010

It's worth it (repost)


Yesterday when our van died we were stranded for a little while before Tim got there. 
A lady that lived across the street asked if I needed any help. When Tim did arrive she helped him push the van across the street so it was safer to take a look at. After she left, a man and his two kids came. He helped Tim figure out that it was the alternator. He then put his fully charged battery from his own truck into our van so we could get the van (and the boys) back to our house. Tim brought it back to him once we were settled at the house. 
As I was praying with Joshua before he went to sleep I began saying something along the lines of: "This night was really disappointing for all of us. We weren't able to visit grandma, daddy had to leave a baseball game that he was looking forward to and our van doesn't work. But we thank you for the things that are good around us: like our cozy beds, the house we live in, the love of our family - and then Joshua chimed in "and that really nice man who gave his own battery to us" and I said Amen :)

Here's something I wrote a couple of years ago - and it's very appropriate right now. 

April 3, 2008 - Thursday 

Current mood:  hopeful 
Category: Life
I just wanted to say hi to the people that actually read my blogs. 

Right now, I’m feeling ok - nothing great nothing too horrible...

There’s always going to be things that go wrong
Cars need repairs, Medical Bills need payments
There’s always going to be people that hurt us
offend us, reject us, betray us

But if you focus on the good things of the day, thing’s don’t seem so bad
There’s always ups and downs in life - I should know. 
Whenever there seems to be no hope
It’s always just around the corner
So because of past experiences I know to just keep looking forward, looking up

Because my car will get fixed, my bills will get paid (sooner or later)
There is forgiveness and restoration for people
And that’s a lot to look forward to. 

So even when it feels like there’s nothing to look forward to
And it seems like there’s no way out 
Just think about the things you’re going through
And even if it’s hard where you’re at - 
It’s just a matter of time until you’re on the other side of things

You can look back and think "That was a rough time but it’s done"
And I know it makes us stronger and wiser
I’ve definitely learned lessons over time - And I’m still learning

If I can just think about the things I’m going through now and know
"I can give hope/encouragement to people that are going through similar situations"
When I’m on the other side - It’ll be worth it...

It’s Worth It